knowledge of place...

a year or so ago my brother and i went on a drive...i blogged about it, it was called "the toppermost part of the world" we drove to the top of a mountain and saw some amazing and exciting and beautiful and FUN sights...i remember one moment with clarity today and that was my observation of the trees as they whipped by.



each tree up there was individually formed with a specific design. you could tell Creator had said "ahhh this tree is going to say Strength and THIS tree is going to say Fortitude but hm, this little tree will say humility and ohhh look! this tree is going to say BEAUTY"



what struck me then and i'm reminded of today is that each tree grows as seeded...there is no questioning, no agonizing over "who am i and where is my place?" there is only roots digging deeper and branches raised HIGH to the sun each new day...i was watching them as they whipped by me and i remember my brother asking me "what are you seeing" that day and i could hardly put it into words THEN because i was so taken by the realization that if can just grasp that TINY little concept that we were created and put in THIS place for THIS reason and not keep desperately scrambling for our place we'd have so much PEACE.



on the left in the picture on this blog is Yellow Wolf, a Nez Perce warrior who changed his world and the people he lead...how? because he knew his place and wasn't afraid to stand there.



why say this now? epiphany:-)

some things are NOT better left unsaid!!!!

perhaps i should warn you this particular blog is a bit of a confessional as some of the things herein are entirely out of character and i'm a bit chagrined to know i am this person but then there's other parts that are like "hey - wow...i'm really just a peaceful lovin' woman" and then there's the OTHER part that's sheer conundrum! LOL! enjoy anyway:

so...okay...here's the deal: last night my brother and i were out...i was driver, so was drinking a nice cold glass of club soda with lime but he was NOT driving...get the picture? okay anyway, we had a really sad thing happen to us over the weekend and we were talking about it and things got a little intense if you will and this WEIRDO lady came up and started hanging on my brother and patting him tritely and saying STUPID things like "stop that now, people are LOOKING at you" and other such nonsense...

THAT WAS ONE...

we went through our night and visited with some and he told them of our sorrow and they gave the appropriate words and MOVED ON...WEIRDO lady came back and bought him another beer and then started talking in the loudest most CHARLIE BROWN'S TEACHER voice you've ever heard and saying the most RIDICULOUS inanities i have to tell you i was about to lay her out and please know, i am not on an every day basis a violent person.

THAT WAS TWO - wanna go for THREE anyone?

so i let her have her little moment with my brother until she said something i found intolerable and i turned to look at her - she immediately came over to me and tried patting ME on the back saying "you okay? you okay?" and i said to her that yes, i'm okay and she is welcome to leave us to our privacy, we have this under control and she persisted in the incessant PATTING so i said "no really...please go" and she kind of backed away...

fast forward, some laughter and story sharing later, and she came BACK to my brother and put her arms around him and said "you know, you must stop now people are LOOKING at you and EVERYONE knows what you're doing and you're just making EVERYONE in here SAD for you and BLAHBLAH BLAH BLAHBLAH BLAH!!!!"

so okay...i won't lie to you...i looked at her and said "okay now you're done just walk away...we don't need you here just walk away" she persisted with her depravity and i looked at her with uh, shall we say pointedness and said "really...WALK AWAY" and she kept patting him and saying well he...well he...and so i turned fully around and told her "okay now i've said it nicely and i'm telling you right now i don't even know you and i don't HAVE to be nice to you. you really need to just move away from us...this won't end up going your way ok? leave?" and she STILL kept it up so I stood up...

apparently this was enough of a threat to her that she backed instantly away and that's my confessional...i DO have violence in me and there IS nothing new under the sun...human nature reigned and there i was in all my humanity with no pretense...NOT PRETTY. long story short...the bartender who is a really good friend of ours was looking at me like "who are you and what have you done with my friend?" but his WORDS were "dang! i was scared for a second! i thought you were gonna SHANK her!!!" LOL.

but KNOW THIS: my brother's well-being is apparently pretty important to me:-)

now...i have also been a great proponent of open expression of affection and familial protection for those around them - it started with the loss of a dear friend Bratty who i had the honor of calling the day before she passed away and i DID have the chance to tell her "Bratty i really love you and i just hope you get better soon" i miss her BADLY to this day, but am so blessed to have been given that chance to say that to her...

so that's the flip side of my confession...some things are NOT better left unsaid...if the need arises to speak strongly and violently against outside forces with intent to harm then SPEAK those words...if you need to tell someone you love them then please for pete's sake just stop what you're doing, call them and SAY it because that moment might be the last chance you get to tell them that!!!!

on the other hand if the worst should happen just know in the depth of your heart that the person you loved KNEW you loved them and took that love with them to the other side.

it's all good, we're all okay...

GROUP HUG:-)

Teachings of Big Sister Eleanor

I got an email today from the daughter of Eleanor and I won’t go into those details but the bottom line is we all have teachers in our lives, I learned from Eleanor. I hope that what I shared with her was encouraging to her, the daughter of Eleanor because to me, it’s dishonoring her memory to not follow her teachings...but hey...that’s just me:-) this is what I shared with the daughter and I blog it here for my own reference – am I going to follow the ones who have taught me??? We’ll have to see hm?

"Your mother along with many elders like her was a teacher in the way she lived her life. Each day is a choice to us, am I going to be content and live at peace with the life Creator has handed to me? Am I going to stand strong in the beliefs I have chosen to carry me through the bumps and lumps of life on this planet? Will I graciously submit to the teachings and corrections of my elders and pray for strength to follow them even when it looks impossible? These are things I saw in your mother. Not once did I ever hear her complain of pain or speak ill of anyone. Up to the very end she was affectionate and loving. I just hope that when I’m gone I will have left behind even a TINY bit of this kind of legacy for my children and grandchildren!

And that’s where our songs come in. They are not just sounds...they were given to us for all these reasons, for strength and for prayers and for WISDOM and teachings and even correction. So that’s what I share with you todayJ A SONG!!!!"

my friend joy sometimes makes me want to sing...

well on my way home tonight and believe me, it was a very interesting night i heard the trees whispering. you know when the world is sleeping the business keeps getting done? Bunny tree was counting the stars and i heard him "five million google and seven, five million google and eight..." and i asked him Bunny why do you count the stars? he smiled as i drove by in the cool sweet smelling night "someone has to keep track of the dreams of children and that's where they hide...one on each star"
as i passed the Willow in the fiery yard (another story altogether) i heard him singing under his breath and it was such a deep rich song it could make you cry and dance with wild abandon..."this one walks in silence, he thinks his heart to be broken - his thoughts run wild and angry, these things he thinks unspoken...i'll sing to him tonight and in the morning he may smile. i'll gently hold his heart and let him rest awhile..." i asked Willow who is it you sing for? and he quietly pondered as i slowed for a passing truck "i sing for those who can't hear the song, and the ones who do should listen..."
Dirty Dirty stirred as i drove by in the night and she dreamt of suns yet to be risen; even the Mouse who i try to shun speaks stories to pheasants under the stars...
so dream in peace and awake in joy but always and forever there will be songs...

glorious moments crashing...

happy birthday andre...

ugliness i will not partake
from glorious moments of the past
to hear shattered visions by lurdane rhetoric?
no, not i...
first but to scoff and toss the hair
and then to ponder
is this my heart unaware?

i soared through the
new blossoms of wisdom
wispy tendrils of growth
songs sprang from the deep
i heard them
quiet whispers of callous vacuity
oh please is this
my truth of identity?

breaking through the insignificance...
this is my hope
what i believe to be true
is the songs that i sing
and from my heart these songs
will fill with fire
burning away
the selfish chaff and numbing fear
i will stand and i will not wallow
in ugliness...