Tuesday, April 15, 2008
i'm not noble...or special
my thoughts are earthy
and sometimes just plain
i would love a jimmy choo
or dolce and gabbana sunglasses
it's just that there are
a few other issues to be
dealt with first...
so...Saturday we had decided to take a drive to Umatilla to check out the store that for awhile been closed and was now open again...we dinked around for awhile to "get ourselves going" and made a few stops...went downtown and there were HORSES lined up in the street and people dressed in old time attire - amazing and fun. We lazily walked down the street greeting each horse and snubbing the one who didn't like us. Cows were in the next street and we had to greet them as well! stopped at the "old lady store" and I picked up a bag of things and had to leave them there since they only take cash...went to the hawk shop where sad beadwork sat behind a glass wall...beadwork done with loving hands and giving hearts sold for a pittance of its value and for what??? none of my business really:-)
ON TO UMATILLA!!! a beautiful drive, sunny and thriving with spring joy. When we got there we looked around in the store and SERENDIPITY...my brother bought me a brand new pair of nookshii...otter fur wraps for my braids...oh luxuriously rich and thick and shiny...can't wait to wear them!!!!
We drove on and tended to the mundane task of grocery shopping but even that turned into a party because that's who we are and that's what we do:-)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
These words, spoken from the heart of my dear sister, struck me to the core in their simplicity - and I hear it, do you?
"Thing is, I am no one special. Here I am though. Here I am,"
ahhhhh...therein lies the humility of greatness!
people used to tell me in a life frought with daily drama and travail...adopted into a strange place by ultra-conservative euro-american family, the last child of four and the only brown skinned human for fifty miles..."it will all look better in the light of a new day" i think it was my aunt dorothy who first told me this...i'd gotten into some kind of scrape with the cousins and while they all danced past with a mere shaking of the head and a frown my adopted mother took a more severe view of the childish pranks we'd undertaken which was usually the case. in the aftermath i was left a sodden mass snuffling pitifully into my sleeve when my aunt dorothy found me and hugged me...a painful hug, for this was the nature of my adopted mother's discipline...and she smiled at me (aunt dorothy) taking my chin with her smooth cool hands and looking deeply into my eyes..."it's okay, you'll feel better tomorrow in the light of a new day"
This is where all hope sprang from in my youth...and this is what i share almost daily with my children, my friends...those around me in the midst of chaos and trauma...this is not a vain hope grasped at with desperate clinging fingers. this is the strength from which i faced my future every single day of my life during those years. and from time to time in more recent years.
oh how i wish to look into the future when i'm gone and wouldn't it be nice to see my children passing this strength to theirs?
and to my friend in the midst of her personal tragedy and grief...how i wish i could hug you and bring you cups of steamy green tea...if i were with you i would sit silently by and listen to your sorrow and cry hot tears of deep empathy for your pain...i don't offer words...for therein lies empty promises and hollow platitudes...
i only offer you this...each new day brings you and yours closer to Healing...each new day brings the Light a little more deeply into your beings...each new day is Hope.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Okay okay...this has nothing to do with toads OR even the movie Cinderella...today during lunch my brother and I were passing the time and one of his former employees came along to visit. This young man shared with us how he'd been promoted and we all were smiling and thinking happy thoughts for him. Then he shared something that was entirely too endearing to me and also restored my hope that there is still good on this side of the sky...he was talking about his interview to get his promotion and how he wasn't sure he had anything to wear so his woman took him to Walmart and bought him a new outfit...
For a year now I've been wishing for a Jimmy Choo bag. I have a knock-off Chanel bag that I enjoy just because it LOOKS like luxury and I bought a Chanel scarf at Goodwill for 75 cents because it says CHANEL on it...this young guy was so thrilled that he'd gotten a new outfit at Walmart. He said "you should have seen me...you wouldn't even recognize me" and we all chuckled.
My values are somewhat skewed from time to time.
Today I find myself losing faith in that which I had heretofore sought with eager energy as the sparkling refreshment of truth in action...instead I see tattered morale wrapped in enigmatic pomposity and glazed over with unscrupulous rhetoric...
It's spring time...metaphorically speaking then I shall grab my shovel and begin turning the soil of my previous naivete for indeed what is such innocence than the psyche or perhaps the super-ego shielding the child from viewing the harsh reality of what? Harsh reality?
All too true. Harsh reality becomes attainable pinnacle with the opening of eyes...the shattering yet again of those rose colored glasses!