Bouncy Bounce...

I'll just go ahead and tell you the truth...in my 20's I was ever so emotionally unstable, I actually think a huge part of this came from being either pregnant and/or nursing a newborn...I have four children but during that period of time it seemed like I may have just as well had 13...during my 30's things took a turn for the worse, I fell into some deep dark pit of despair and through various methods of self-medication I somehow slogged my way through although from the outside looking in it seemed as though I were a happy well-adjusted female...I say that because once I was at the doctor's for some type of depression medication and as I glanced at the chart that's what I saw...I asked him "Dr. M, if you're giving me ____ medication for depression how is it that you wrote THAT on my chart?" He grabbed the chart and asked me "how can you read from across the room and upside down?" (LOL it's a SKILL I tell ya!) I asked him again and he said "Shawna it's not that your depression defines you, if you were YOURSELF you WOULD be happy and well adjusted..." OHHHHH...

During my 40's I was in the midst of a huge upheaval...my children were growing up and away, suddenly all of the trauma of my youth and childhood became painfully real. I don't know why, do you? Memories from when I was 5 years old could shred me for two or three hours...and so on and so forth...but in my LATE 40's I came home to my rez. Somehow with the advent of being home, diving in head first to politics and community a healing began...oh don't get me wrong, periodically those ugly past yukky's rear their growling heads and try to intimidate me but for the most part I find myself on some kind of amazing Bouncy Bounce...

Here's why:

This little guy was just BEGGING to have his picture taken...sittin' by the side of the road all winter he whispered to me "you have no IDEA what's been going on around here!" So I snapped his picture and he smiled...do you see it?

Oh how I love to hear the clouds sing as they dance through the day...I said this once before but I just have to say it again because LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS!!!!

Sometimes all there is to get us through is humor...I doodled this during a conference on "How to Recognize Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse in the Workplace" in which the instructor said this phrase...it made me chuckle...

These steps are leading up to the old old hospital in our town...a new one has since been built but they use the old building for their administration part...can you imagine how many hopes walked up these steps and how many tragedies walked down them?

I took this shot Sunday but when I saw it in my phone yesterday it made me smile because I can't tell you how intensely HARD yesterday was...but today is a new day...it's even raining a little to wash away the meanness and darkness of yesterday and leave a fresh green smell in the air.

THANK YOU FOR NEW DAYS!!!!!!

Smiles on Monday...AND on Tuesday!

I can't believe it's only Monday, it's been THAT kind of day! So as an afterthought I said to myself "why don't we go check out the blog world?" and there it was...an AWARD!!! Thank you ChristieJolu of "Tales from My Head" http://christiejolu.blogspot.com/

Now I will share 7 things about myself"

1. I may sometimes pass myself off as assertive and confident but inwardly I'm shy and awkward...

2. I have a tendency to agree with someone I disagree with just to get out of the conversation - well, unless I'm very close with that person and then I may go through with my exact feelings...

3. Although I love dogs what I'd REALLY like to have at home are two horses, a goat and a pony...

4. When I was growing up I used to tell people I was from Mars, periodically, I'd go tearing out of the house shouting "OH NOOOOO I'm gonna miss the BUSSSS!!!"

5. I learned to read music before I could read words

6. I was born with perfect pitch - this is both a blessing and a not so much...I can tune a guitar spot on without even trying, but if I hear someone playing and their "d" string is off pitch it drives me CRAZY...

7. When things are difficult and look impossible I sometimes amuse myself by making up limericks reflecting the moment...usually including coarse and/or expletive language...then I laugh and feel better...sounds crazy I know but it keeps me smiling:-)

Some of my favorite blogs are:

"The Hatter's Clean Cup" http://hatterscleancup.blogspot.com/
"Professor B Worm" http://thefirstbookoftesticles.blogspot.com/
"The Caffeinated Globe" http://caffeinatedglobe.blogspot.com/
Dolce  e Salata http://dolceesalata.blogspot.com/

I also love Alice Through the Lens; Alice in Wonderland, Random Rawr, ChristieJolu but I think they already got this award...

Happy Tuesday all!!!

days from hell will come and go

I have to say I SOOO appreciate this world. Yesterday was a day from hell at work. It's been that way for quite some time but at the end of the day I had my mentoring session which was loads of energetic fun and then on my drive home I beheld the wondrous changing season and it made me smile...

days from hell will come and go but true strength CAN be found in nature!

the stalwart grainery near my rural post office...

this sturdy tree drinking in the cool yet powerful afternoon sun

it looks dour...prairie life is difficult for flora and fauna but if you look closely you'll see brave green shoots springing up from the hard cold ground...Spring is on its way!!!

If you listened closely, you could hear the clouds chuckling as they danced past the world

I never tire of the sunset through my trees...it sounds in the key of "C" tonight...

our grandpa dog "Sam" who literally despises cameras and swears like a trucker when he sees one pointed his direction...

ohhhh the weather outside is frightfulll!

i'm from the pacific standard time zone and here i am in eastern standard time for a meeting...it's a good meeting and i'm glad to be here so here are some shots of my week so far...

Our starting flight was smooth and calm...a little bumpy on the landing but that's me and i'm a white knuckle flyer...since the flight to our destination city was cancelled we took a train from connecting there (to the right is a shot of the Union station in DC)

The meeting began and it was good to catch up with old friends...our meetings are quarterly and a LOT happens in between these!

it's COOLLLLLLDDDD outside!!!

a fire truck went by and I couldn't help taking a shot...

a delightful cast iron teapot...for my tea loving friends

songs that make you sing...

long ago before there were such things as psychologists and psychiatrists...before the dawn of the behavioral health sciences and the telemedicine there lived an old woman...

she lead a simple life in the midst of her simple people...

when she dug her roots for winter food storage she hummed a tune. when she worked the beargrass with her strong hands, melodies flowed from her fingers...

this woman had a full life, she raised her children with discipline and tenderness, she loved her partner deeply and respected his strength in protecting them and guiding the people...

one day he rode into the camp with a deep and somber expression on his face. the people parted ways for him as he rode through to their home...he jumped off the horse and ran into their home...

he took her face in his hands and said "we have to be strong...our son fell while hunting today. his spirit soars now with the eagles"

this woman who had sewn the clothes for her son, who had sent this same son to the teachers for his instructions, she had watched her mate school him in the correct ways of hunting and in how to give thanks for the bounty of the earth...she stood still as she took in this news

she turned away and from deep within her began a song. she hummed quietly but did not sing yet for she had preparations to make. she took the whitest hides to sew the most beautiful outfit...and many more preparations she did while within her spirit a song burst through her being...

the people gathered to pay their respects; to speak their words about this son and this family and as each one spoke the song grew within this woman. she stepped into the circle and raised her hand. all went quiet and when she opened her mouth the song burst from her...

she sang of her pain in losing this son, she sang of her sorrow for those before her having lost theirs, she sang with deep longing for what is on the other side of this life, she sang with hopes that his journey would be a good one and she sang of tears that would flow upon his memory...the people listened and soon picked up her song...when she finished she put her hand down and paused beside her sons body...she didn't touch him or in any way try to keep him back, she whispered a silent farewell and walked away to her home.

as time passed they gathered often, these people...songs for all seasons grew from this woman's song...gathering songs, hunting songs, war songs, all of these wafted through the mountains and rivers from the people. the woman grew strong as she sang and she taught the younger women of this strength.

you can hear this same song from time to time...pause and listen when you do, it's one of those kind of songs that make you sing.

dedicated to my elders...the ones who sang before me

SERENDIPITY!!!

Blaize of Random Rawr (http://randomrawr.blogspot.com/) has given me an award (thank you SO much) and I found out just by accident:-) I'm on travel at a meeting in the snowy part of the USA - another story entirely and you KNOW I'll post that but here's 10 things that make me happy!


1) spotting tiny flowers in the midst of rocky cliffs and/or hot stony sidewalks in the city

2) when I get to my daughter and son's home and their two babies come rushing to the door with happy chuckles and rosy warm cheeks

3) realizing that something I said made someone feel warm and fuzzy

4) listening to someone tell their story and see them light up from the inside out to share this little piece of  their life

5) my one true love makes me happy

6) a phone call from one of ,my kids...not wanting something, just called to say hi

7) Weaving...

8) God...Creator...the one who knew us before we were even born


9) the pain and tiredness I get from working at the longhouse all day...it's indescribable but makes me feel SO happy

10) I have to agree with my friend who put this one down: When I find comments on my blogs from you...it always makes me warm to the core...THANK YOU



These are ten of some of the astounding bloggers I know that I’d love to give this award to:


ChristieJolu (http://christiejolu.blogspot.com/)
Betty of Cut and Dry (http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com/2010/02/this-is-how-i-heard.html)
Alice of Alice Through the Lens (http://alicethroughthelens.blogspot.com/2010/02/32.html)
Miss Pussycat of Heavens to Betsy (http://heavenstobetsyblog.blogspot.com/)
Grandma K from Musings from Grandma's Attic (http://mfga.blogspot.com/)
"Kindness" from Killing Them With Kindness (http://killthemwithkindness.blogspot.com/)
Steve of Confessions of an Ojibway (http://rightojibwe.blogspot.com/)
David of Pokagon Times (http://pokagon.blogspot.com/)
Anishinaabekwe (http://ojibwaymigisibineshii.blogspot.com/)
Bicando Bic of Bicando (http://bicando.blogspot.com/)

These are some of the best blogs ever, please go check them out!

I wonder what color wisdom is?

I started this blog back in December but stumbled across the draft while cleaning out my folders...I believe it worthy of sharing - Have a good weekend, all!

...last night i had the honor of attending a service (of my tribe's type) at one of our tribal member's homes...i've talked about these before, we do them on many occasions - in this circumstance our sister is very ill (by the way, because we are all of the same blood we are called "brother" and "sister" no matter the relationship) and has been given one month to live.

the room was filled with powerful songs and as i sang i could see almost as though i were outside on a sunny day, i was up one of our rivers and it seemed as though i were flying...i swooped down near the river and listened to her watery song, then up into the tree branches and listened to breezy power...i looked down and saw tiny purple flowers peeping out from the banks along the river and flew down to smell them...

i don't know if i convey this as it happened but this all took place during ONE song...i leaned over towards our sister and i could feel her drinking in the Light and Power borne of our singing and i knew it was HER hopes i could see as i was singing...

when the song ended i sat down because i was really TIRED from all that experience and i wondered if anyone would EVER understand what had just happened...i felt the gentle hand of my older sister behind me on my back...she patted me gently and then left her hand there for awhile. i wonder if she knew.

our ways are ancient ways. our songs are given to us by the Light, the songs of Rivers and strength and Rocky Cliffs and Small Purple Flowers...

so there it is...i may travel the world, i may not...i may get to see the Atomium building in Brussels and again, maybe not but this i know: wisdom is Purple...

afternoon moon

When I was young I used to hear my Aunty Una and Aunt Dorothy commenting during family gatherings how quickly time flies when you get older...at the time as I realize now, Aunt Dorothy was barely 40 and Aunty Una was probably 50 or so...I used to wonder about it while playing up in Aunty Una's attic...which on a side note, Aunty Una's attic looked much like some of those pictures you might see on my friend Betty's blog "Cut and Dry" all antiquey with lace hanging from edges and sun rays flowing through like liquid gold...I just loved my Aunty Una's attic...

Anyway, the realization that it's already February kind of came with a whooshing sound...January was a month of beginnings. I began working for a new group of officers after having horrifically lost in November elections. I began new relationships with people I'd most likely have never even spoken to much less laughed raucously with...in January.

February arrives and as I was cleaning the yard the other day I noticed brave new spikes emerging from the cold ground...ahhhh here come the irises, the daffodils, the heralds of Spring. I noticed fresh new growth peeking out from browned and dried "medicine" plants (medicine of the American Indian nature) and it mad me cheerfully sing with the dogs...who I might add were in a bit of trouble having spread garbage to and fro in frolicky puppy joy. As I glanced up at the cold blue February sky I noticed this...

afternoon MOON...

All is in balance and inside warms the tea!