Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Bouncy Bounce...

I'll just go ahead and tell you the truth...in my 20's I was ever so emotionally unstable, I actually think a huge part of this came from being either pregnant and/or nursing a newborn...I have four children but during that period of time it seemed like I may have just as well had 13...during my 30's things took a turn for the worse, I fell into some deep dark pit of despair and through various methods of self-medication I somehow slogged my way through although from the outside looking in it seemed as though I were a happy well-adjusted female...I say that because once I was at the doctor's for some type of depression medication and as I glanced at the chart that's what I saw...I asked him "Dr. M, if you're giving me ____ medication for depression how is it that you wrote THAT on my chart?" He grabbed the chart and asked me "how can you read from across the room and upside down?" (LOL it's a SKILL I tell ya!) I asked him again and he said "Shawna it's not that your depression defines you, if you were YOURSELF you WOULD be happy and well adjusted..." OHHHHH...

During my 40's I was in the midst of a huge upheaval...my children were growing up and away, suddenly all of the trauma of my youth and childhood became painfully real. I don't know why, do you? Memories from when I was 5 years old could shred me for two or three hours...and so on and so forth...but in my LATE 40's I came home to my rez. Somehow with the advent of being home, diving in head first to politics and community a healing began...oh don't get me wrong, periodically those ugly past yukky's rear their growling heads and try to intimidate me but for the most part I find myself on some kind of amazing Bouncy Bounce...

Here's why:
This little guy was just BEGGING to have his picture taken...sittin' by the side of the road all winter he whispered to me "you have no IDEA what's been going on around here!" So I snapped his picture and he smiled...do you see it?


Oh how I love to hear the clouds sing as they dance through the day...I said this once before but I just have to say it again because LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS!!!!

Sometimes all there is to get us through is humor...I doodled this during a conference on "How to Recognize Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse in the Workplace" in which the instructor said this phrase...it made me chuckle...

These steps are leading up to the old old hospital in our town...a new one has since been built but they use the old building for their administration part...can you imagine how many hopes walked up these steps and how many tragedies walked down them?







I took this shot Sunday but when I saw it in my phone yesterday it made me smile because I can't tell you how intensely HARD yesterday was...but today is a new day...it's even raining a little to wash away the meanness and darkness of yesterday and leave a fresh green smell in the air.

THANK YOU FOR NEW DAYS!!!!!!

2 comments:

Christiejolu said...

I hear ya on that..new days are great!

I don't know why childhood trama stays with us. I have many that rear their ugly head at me, I have trouble sleeping. I guess these memories are what makes us..us.

Christiejolu said...

I have an award for you!