One of my dearest friends told me this once - and throughout my life, I've had a few people who were willing to step out on a limb and tell me when they thought I was going the wrong way. One, I'll share because it still poignantly reminds me to be REAL.
In fifth grade it was determined I had enough of a lisp to be considered a speech impediment; I was chosen along with a fellow student Annie B to attend speech therapy. Annie B was a little different that "the rest of us" and as you well know, fifth graders are particularly unforgiving of quirks and differences. To the rest of the world, I don't believe I'd have ever admitted that I actually loved Annie B...we'd laugh and joke and talk during our speech therapy. One day after school she ran up to me and said something all happy and smelling like a fresh spring afternoon - I looked at her like I'd never seen her before and said something particularly odious - the smile melted off her face and for a flash of time she looked unutterably sad then she got angry and said to me "you're nothing but a fair weather friend Shawna, and it's worse than not HAVING a friend, having a fair weather friend!"
I didn't think so much about it until later in life but she was speaking the truth to me...DEEP truth.
It's so much kinder in the long run, to speak the truth at the beginning of "something"...when my sister and I are in an argument I will now just tell you, "when you do THIS, I feel THIS..." and I believe we will both be stronger for it. When my friend is rushing headlong down a path that ends in a steep and unforgiving cliff, I will call to her "stop or you're going to run off a cliff!" instead of HOPING she figures it out...
I will always be grateful to the one who told me "confront to resolve"
POSTSCRIPT: I later in life met up with Annie B in a more loosely structured time, she'd chosen a path not taken by many and her life was full of light and love; I apologized to her at that time because I knew I had been wrong, she readily forgave me and we've been friends since. This brings out another point in the confront to resolve topic. APOLOGIES ARE SOMETIMES NECESSARY. I hear a lot around me about "NEVER BE SORRY FOR YOUR ACTIONS, YOU ACTED FROM THE HEART" and I just do not believe this to be the most productive response. An apology though, coming from the repentant heart goes a long way in restoring a wounded trust.
In fifth grade it was determined I had enough of a lisp to be considered a speech impediment; I was chosen along with a fellow student Annie B to attend speech therapy. Annie B was a little different that "the rest of us" and as you well know, fifth graders are particularly unforgiving of quirks and differences. To the rest of the world, I don't believe I'd have ever admitted that I actually loved Annie B...we'd laugh and joke and talk during our speech therapy. One day after school she ran up to me and said something all happy and smelling like a fresh spring afternoon - I looked at her like I'd never seen her before and said something particularly odious - the smile melted off her face and for a flash of time she looked unutterably sad then she got angry and said to me "you're nothing but a fair weather friend Shawna, and it's worse than not HAVING a friend, having a fair weather friend!"
I didn't think so much about it until later in life but she was speaking the truth to me...DEEP truth.
It's so much kinder in the long run, to speak the truth at the beginning of "something"...when my sister and I are in an argument I will now just tell you, "when you do THIS, I feel THIS..." and I believe we will both be stronger for it. When my friend is rushing headlong down a path that ends in a steep and unforgiving cliff, I will call to her "stop or you're going to run off a cliff!" instead of HOPING she figures it out...
I will always be grateful to the one who told me "confront to resolve"
POSTSCRIPT: I later in life met up with Annie B in a more loosely structured time, she'd chosen a path not taken by many and her life was full of light and love; I apologized to her at that time because I knew I had been wrong, she readily forgave me and we've been friends since. This brings out another point in the confront to resolve topic. APOLOGIES ARE SOMETIMES NECESSARY. I hear a lot around me about "NEVER BE SORRY FOR YOUR ACTIONS, YOU ACTED FROM THE HEART" and I just do not believe this to be the most productive response. An apology though, coming from the repentant heart goes a long way in restoring a wounded trust.
2 comments:
Wow...Yay for you that you have decided to be at peace with healthy "conflict". Confrontation can be hard. But, when done with compassion it can lead to authentic relationships. :)
I'm glad you came to terms with your actions, I just hope Annie B did, too. She was the one harmed.
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