home to stay...

Next week I'll be out all week on biz...and that's a good thing, I thoroughly anticipate an adventure whilst on my way - because I've learned that if you seek an adventure, odds are, you'll find one.

No, before I go I have home things to attend to and this is exciting too, kind of a warm smell of homemade bread excitement. This coming Sunday is our annual Celery Feast. I wrote about it a year ago (or maybe two) but it's really one of the most amazing holidays to me. For truly, being at home on this land has changed the meaning of the word "holiday" I no longer think of pink candy hearts or plastic grass laden baskets...no, when I think of holiday, I see our treaty signatures which line the wall in one of our buildings, for Treaty Day is a day of rememberance here at home; I don't look with longing at tinsel strewn trees (although I do love their smell) or with wondrance at the brightly wrapped gifts beneath (and again, don't get me wrong, I love a good gift during Christmas) but I do think in the Winter time, December 21 is one of our holidays "Indian New Year"

Celery Feast is awesome and here's how it goes: on friday, we diggers (women) all gather together at the longhouse for a hot breakfast together then, dressed in our "work wings" and anything else that might be needed for the day off we go out into our gathering places. This particular feast is for the wild Celery which when you bite into it tastes like the most delightful shade of green with undertones of wisdom derived from many rains.

We'll spend the day digging the Celery then on Saturday will spend about half the day preparing Sunday's meal. Saturday night will be a giveaway for those who need one and then Sunday morning will be the service (longhouse style) and then the FEAST.

All of these idyllic moments add up to  HOME...and of course as with any universe, there are those charred moments of burnt hopes, there are moment frozen with hopelessness that one can only stand in for a minute maybe two...

It's all good though because FINALLY I feel like I'm

HOME TO STAY

have you EVER?

Do you ever pause and go back, way WAYYYY back in your blogs and read some of your posts? I did so today, I was looking for something specific, and I have to say this, thank you for your faithful encouragement - I read some with embarrassment and some with this feeling of "wow I can't actually believe it was ME who wrote that!"

I read some of YOUR blogs that way, I love the depth of your character...your perception of the world around us...

It's a crazy world this blog-iverse we live in!

Hope you're all having a good day

Speechless

Okay I do apologize for the long absence...I've dropped by a few times on some of your pages but to tell you the truth, I've been rendered utterly speechless for a month or so now.

We all dream our dreams...though crushed and tattered the human spirit forges ahead with indomitable strength in the face of absolute hopelessness in the ever elusive wisp of dreams.

As a young child my dreams weren't big. I wanted to be a nurse - in my youth nurses still wore white and had hats, if these hats bore black stripes, she was an RN, if not, she might be an LPN or trainee...I can't tell you how many reams of paper I drew dark black lines across starting of course a little squiggly then as sophistication grew I learned to use a ruler...many a kitten, puppy, WATER DOG (can I just interject here, EWWW), calf, horse, doll...was rendered sickly then at the tender mercies of my hands WELL...

For awhile in my tweens I dabbled from medical to medical - staying at the outskirts, never diving in...then one day out of the blue, whilst living in Bonners Ferry Idaho, a tribal member from the Kootenai Tribe of Idaho walked into my home and offered  me a job as a file clerk. In all my years, I'd never worked in an office. EVER. I timidly accepted the position, explaining to her as I have you, that this was brand new to me. She assured me they would train, so off I went to my new office job only to find that upon hiring me, she went on a two week vacation. For two weeks I came faithfully to work on time, sat for eight hours not doing anything productive, not knowing a soul in the office and then went home...finally she returned from her vacation and without actually "training" me, she began to train me. Little did I know this was my "thing" and off I went, within six months of being hired having been promoted to Executive Assistant...

While working there I had a few contacts with the outer realm of the Indian political world...it was dazzling and sang out to me in siren song and somehow I just knew this was even MORE of my thing...

Fast forward. I moved to the city armed with my few years of experience and fast track training. I got one job and then immediately saw another that not only paid more but seemed more related to what I STILL loved, the health world. Stayed there for a bit and got even more training...served as staff to a Board of Directors consisting of tribal leaders from 43 tribes. It never occurred to me then that I would one day sit at THAT table but almost within months of returning home I was elected to the position within my tribal government that lead me where? TO THAT TABLE...

I've always listened with awe to the leaders around this table...speaking with authority and ease of rememberance, they talk about annual budgets and policies as though discussing grilled cheese and tomatore soup. They rub shoulders and shake hands with others from the nation who also sit at the table in THEIR regions...at the head of our table, a smaller table with five people called "the executive committee" and when THEY spoke I would listen closely...these are the ones with the REAL authority...

I will tell you truthfully it never occurred to me to even dream of sitting at that smaller table but in January, I was elected to the executive committee...and I've been speechless ever since.

I'm thankful because not everyone gets to live their dream; I'm grateful beyond words to those who taught me and nurtured me. I'm somewhat trepidatious because I want to make sure I never bring shame to those who believed in me...I'm excited because I believe I will learn to make decisions that will have an effect on even my grandchildren's generations and yet here I am, still a little speechless that this is where I am...