Friday, March 27, 2009
distant songs i hear
echoing down the rivers edge
strong voices tell stories
and songs continue throughout
leave the past is what they say
and let go of the dark painful thorns
is this the knowing?
clanging boughs bent in the wind
speak when silence deafens
history cries out
strong women sing
dancers weave graceful tales
how i love that i am an american Indian woman!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
oh how many sermons have i sat through...blowing bubbles with gum in an attempt to busy myself with having "heard this over and over and OVER again" and yet still...words hang me up on a daily basis
have i learned? do i know to the core of my being that the word i speak out of turn might very well make or break the moment? i THINK i know this but still PHOEWOEP! and out it comes...
i say this because i realized in my youth that i had believed myself to have been not one who would speak my mind. i was more or less timid and not wanting to step on anyones toes, not out of any kind of false "nicety" or any such nonsense...no, i was nice out of my own sense of uber sensitivity and "if i don't hurt you maybe you won't hurt me" mentality. being careful of one's words out of fear of being hurt does not equal discretion even in the most remote sense of the word.
we pride ourselves, in this society, at whether or not we are "socially aware" or what-have-you...bottom line: the scripture which says "out of the depths of the heart the mouth speaks" is true - whether you are a "Word" believer or not, if you examine the motives of your heart and the words spoken from your mouth this is something you'll see...
thus, turning away from an unjust cutting word does not always make me "nice or polite" any more than it makes me cowardly and manipulative. just as "speaking your mind" does not make you any more honest or straightforward than thoughtless and abrupt...these are just ripples from the stone dropped at the center of our being...who we are is going to remain the same unless we value and learn these lessons passed on from those who are wiser than we.
however there IS a balance. words spoke in truth and love do become honesty and straightforward - words NOT spoken out of gentility and concern DO become "niceties"
smile. that's the nice things about being human. there's a balance for every counterbalance
Monday, March 9, 2009
We work so hard to bring our offspring to that jump-off point of "off to conquer the big wide world" at the juncture of "don't go out of the house in dirty undewear" but I find myself weary of putting a brave face on the issue of sending my son to Iraq yet AGAIN. 'Course this is coupled with my absolute hero-worship pride that he is strong and looks danger and adversity in the eye saying "is that all you got?"
One day we will see these things from the other side of this existence and it will all make sense!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Sometimes the low road, although muddy and a little bit rutted is just where I think I want to go...but then that's me and I'm human.
the older I get (not quite older than dirt but getting there) the more I find myself hating gossip - not just because it's a waste of time but because it just maims and destroys with no other motive than malice and wicked glee...
oh don't get me wrong, just the THOUGHT of someone coming up to me with that naughty twinkle in their eye saying "do you know what I heard?" gives me the opiate-like nods...but again with the age thing.
I remember when I was in the middle of a gossip tangle. People giving me sidelong glances, tittering behind their hands when they thought I didn't see, the feeling of sickness in the pit of my stomach when I finally heard what "they" were saying about me and the anger to the depth of my being that this was a complete lie. Friends I loved and respected gave credence to these lies until I clarified my true role to them.
I was going to throw in some salty quotations about gossip from older and wiser people than I but the bottom line is, I'm learning FINALLY that gossip is ugly. It's not fun, it's not harmless, it's UGLY.
I find myself wishing I could apologize to those I've wounded by my participation in such foolishness but all I can really do is say today that by grace and discipline I hope not to involve myself when juicy details are tossed my way...
because there's really no way around it. Human's love to gossip.