zhiguzhabizha: July 2007

Thursday, July 12, 2007

oh how silly

do you have people around you who just won't for the LIFE of them tell you "I love you?" you don't want to say it to them because they won't answer and then what, you're left hanging by a thread of self-doubt and psychical thunder...i know someone who never says "i love you" to me...he says it to all and sundry around me, throws it cheerily in the wind like hot summer wheat but NEVER says it to me...i'll tell him of my challenges and victories and he never pats me on the back or tells me "good job" and i'm sitting there wondering "who is going to tell me i'm okay if this one doesn't?"

wallowing on in silliness until out of the blue i come home and what awaits me? the most gloriously worked silver bracelet...or a new shower head...or seeds for my garden or a book i've been checking out on amazon.com...

yeah...what are those words? WORDS...

tattered spirit
wounds bared to the sun
sometimes too tired
can’t even run

looking with hope
for a glimmer of love
an encouraging whisper
is that unheard of?

wallowing endlessly
self-pity erodes
agonies idiocy
the psyche implodes

sighing deeply relief
shines brightly from there
oh silly spirit
quit grasping at tares

look at that sunshine!
the smiles therein knowing
can you hear that singing?
deep love is glowing

stop wearing the clothes
that don’t fit or look right
start trusting your heart
and just walk in this LIGHT

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

my "garding"

Don't ask me how it got that name...it just did...

I wanted to put a picture of what's left on here but can't find it so I put the sun - why??? - because it's been EFFIN HOT here!

Anywho let's talk about my garding...

You may recall I dug it by hand. I was so proud of this feat! I worked for several days in a row and had sore muscles to prove it...I was happy with myself for the natural burning of calories - I know we've discussed this too - I am not so much with burning calories by exercise, it seems such a dang waste of TIME to me...back to the GARDING...

So my good friend Lydia counseled me to put all my seeds in on Memorial Day - this, she declared was the OLD WAY of doing things so I faithfully went out and my brother even helped me and we put in a BUNCHA seeds...of course you know the drill. I went out EVERY DAY to see if they were coming up and finally gave up and quit looking because they didn't yet. The tomatoes it seemed didn't like the cold and immediately acted like they were dying so we just kinda looked at them with disdain and kept waiting for the other seeds to come up...

NOPE. Lesson learned: In EASTERN OREGON we do not put our seeds in on Memorial Day!!! Okay so on we go, I planted more seeds later and was rewarded with some beautific rich and lush looking squash plants (the psychology here is that squash plants will ALWAYS grow and look lush thus, encouraging my whole "garding" spirit). My corn started growing and some radishes and even carrots! YAY!!!!

GROWTH IS WONDERFUL!!! So I started nurturing this lovely green lushness daily...would go and stand proudly over them and coo at them as though they were a nursery full of adorable Indian babies...

Then the farmers started harvesting. They harvested the peas in the field across the road and that was fun but you know...I didn't account for the fact that Mr and Mrs Pheasant AND their whole extended family had homesteaded over there. When the farmers harvested they of course evicted the Pheasant entourage along with a pretty disgusted hawk...

So one morning I went out to enjoy my garding and THERE THEY WERE...ALL THE PHEASANT KIDS had taken up tipi livin' in my garding! They actually acted like I was being RUDE to have awakened them from their BEAUTY sleep so DANG EARLY!!! I chased them out and they all took off...the next night when Brother and I came home THERE THEY WERE AGAIN! They had eaten the squash plants to pitiful nubs and completely obliterated the carrots and radishes...they left the tomatoes alone and the corn was apparently too big for their tender little mouths...anyway my brother shouted at them and chased them away and you know those little shits sat just out of reach and babbled on all NIGHT about our rudeness! They told on us to their mom and dad and their auntie and uncle, they told on us to that deer that wandered close enough to listen (doubt he'll do THAT again), they tried to tell on us to the hawk but he told them "stop it you're driving me CRAZY" and they told on us to the barn swallows who in turn decided to dive bomb us!

My garding is a sad situation now...a few faithful corn plants standing strong and proud- AND knee high by the fourth of July (YAY) and two stalwart tomatoes.

It was a good experience. I'll do it again next year!