Friday, February 16, 2007

my good friend had bad news...


all i wanted was to make it go away...
When I first heard the news it was Saturday morning and we got the call. My first thought was OMG how can I help this friend of mine? This teacher, this leader, this amazing personification of strength and song? That's all I wanted was to have the words that might help him through this horrific time and I couldn't for the LIFE of me think of what I could say...
I prayed about it and then a memory of an old friend came to mind, John was a friend of our family and was every bit as "there" for us as my husband at the time; he brought my boys treats and toys and would scold them and also praise them when they were good. He drove me to the hospital for the birth of two of my children and was in general just one of us. He moved away to go fishing in Alaska and we missed him a LOT...I had NO IDEA how we would miss him because really, there were times I would get annoyed with him and want him to just go the hell home. While John was away in Alaska, he would from time to time call us just to check in and he ALWAYS asked how the kids were and how was I doing...he lived for awhile when he was back in town with my mother-in-law who was at best a difficult woman and at worst, well...anyway John always said "you know, there's no point in judging her Shawna, she's going to end up judging herself you know..." and I would take hope and move on.
John went back to Alaska and his fishing. He was so happy up there, he would call Greg and I and always had the most amazing stories to tell of Northern Lights and amazing midnight suns...one day we got a call from the fishing company and they told us he'd fallen into one of the processors and had died up there. There was nothing really to send back...for years I would wonder 'what was it like for John in those last moments? Was he scared? Was he hurt? Was he sad? Did he wonder why no one helped him?" I wore myself out with the sadness of it and then gradually it faded until just a month or so ago I was watching a program on the Discovery channel about medical traumas. This gentleman fell into some kind of processor in Wisconsin...also a fish processor. He was torn apart too and it was just amazing that he lived, but he did and in his interview on the program he said something that gave me hope for so many other things in life. He said "I felt pain at first but it wasn't bad, as the machine tore me apart this amazing peace came over me and it was as though I was watching myself from the outside in...That was my body and I could watch it being pummeled...all I could feel was peace and joy and wait for the other side..."
So then I was thinking hmmm, that's not exactly the words I was looking for and then I happened to see a pipebag I'd made for my brother and I remembered how I had carefully chosen each color and the weight of the cord and made sure my design would fit exactly...I remember how carefully I cut the fringe on the bottom and how I chose the beads for my signature to demonstrate our relationship as brother and sister...and I realized this:
As painstakingly as I chose and created that bag how much more attention to detail is given the creation and design of humanity by our Creator; and how do I know this? Because years and YEARS after a sad event in my life, one which profoundly caused questions in my mind, Creator sent a message to give answer both to my questions and to quiet the fears in my heart...Those moments had been PLANNED for...Before we are even given breath each moment of our lives has been carefully thought out and planned for and there is not one moment of our time, not one pain or sickness or horrible sadness has not already been sung for by Creator...

So this afternoon I realized I should tell this story to my friend because it had come to me at this time...I also now know I shared this story at another time when it was right and I don't know if that helps you...i hope so...

1 comment:

JCA said...

oh this is beautiful and made my eyes well with tears. thank you for sharing!!!