OMG...

this blog is a letter I wrote to a total stranger (http://www.pastaqueen.com/halfofme/index.html) upon reading her blog...when I first came across her blog it was "by accident" but her story was amazing and inspired me to write to her:

Oh wow…

I found your blog on accident if you will…in the daily grind of pursuing interests other than the overdue database in which query is macroed “run the world” I accidentally FOUND you. Oh I won’t bore you with empty platitudes of gratuitous flattery, surely you know the depth of the fat pit you’ve plumbed to become the half of you that you are and surely you’re aware there are millions wishing to do the same out here in the “still fat” world. I laughed AND cried while reading only a FEW of your words.

Why am I contacting you? I don’t know really. I am a fifty year old woman who has just come home after 48 years of wandering around. In coming home I dropped from 348 to a svelte 297 and here I’ve stayed…my knees are buckling under the crushing mass of my happiness and yet I have persevered in my obesity. My first weight loss spurt happened after going to a bone doctor – oh yes, I know they have a name but please, remember the age? Sometimes memory failsJ no JOKE! – he squinted at my X-rays with serious demeanor and looked at me over his glasses “you’d be a prime candidate for liposuction surgery” I kind of basked in this for some reason…”ahhhh, morbid obesity will have its easy side!” or some such insanity! When I got home I realized the weight (pun intended) of his comment and went to my room in a puddle of tears. My husband (still married but SEPARATED) said “you don’t worry about what he says! I love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE” (later I may blog about the utter control mechanism in this statement!) but in my heart of hearts I knew that this was serious business. Determined not to be necessitated of the surgery I began a conscious effort known as “portion control” and in less than six months dropped down to 270. This was so exciting. I weighed in at 277 when pregnant with my first son and remember being SO appalled at the time, now 270 actually felt like dainty! Perhaps I should have prefaced this with the further notion that weight loss is an underlying obsession with me apparently. During my second pregnancy I discovered the wonderful control factor of vomiting, this lead to an eleven year relationship with binging and purging, that was in 1984-1995 and I still bear the brunt of THAT fun addiction.

Fast forward: recently I visited a doctor who told me after my recitation of history “don’t diet, don’t even think about the weight…here, I’ll write this prescription and you can take your pain meds as needed, don’t worry about the dependency…but just know that eventually we’ll work these things out…” I went home and IMMEDIATELY started Pilates. My brother bought me a bike and although my knees won’t bend deep enough to peddle both sides, I stubbornly ride this bike to the end of my driveway and back. I went and bought some expensive Nikes, New Balance and Propet shoes because I plan on walking…I cut calories and began the portion control again and why? I don’t know really…something about the tone of his voice (maybe he’s Jedi?) “don’t even think about the weight” and off I went…

Are you even remotely interested in this? Probably not but somehow reading your blog spurred on the writing bug (I too have a blog) and the notion that perhaps you may find time to read such dialogue interesting to read as you sip green tea? Maybe. I just know that I chuckled as I read the “contact me” page and here I am.

Thank youJ I feel so AWAKE!