recently my childhood parent passed away - the dad who was THERE and who nurtured what he saw in me when very little else seemed to work...
it's astounding really, the plethora of feelings that arise, no, not sadness so much for really, he WAS 94...almost envy I think because look at him: he's done his work, he's paid his bills, he's walked his dog and now what: he get's to move on and go REALLY explore! in that aspect I'm excited for him because his was a mind that never stopped. We (the rest of the family) would all be comfortably esconced in our evening activities...my mother in the dining room sitting at the table reading a mystery novel, my sister Blanche practicing her saxophone in the living room by her piano, my sister Genni upstairs probably reading and me, sitting next to my dad who was on the couch going through the latest Time magazine or National Geographic..."Hm!" he'd exclaim and look up to see which of us would notice "can you believe it? that "Tremembé" tribe has only 300 people and their main food staple is acai berries!" Of course I do remember the tribe's name but I made the berries up because they sound exotic...suffice it to say my dad and his sparkling "I want to know MORE" eyes are a deep and precious memory to me. It's because of his thirst for knowledge that I learned Latin phrases in sixth grade...read the dictionary from cover to cover...you know, "smart" things? and it's because of his memory that I refused to allow children in MY home (whatever!) to watch such nonsense as the Si**sons or you know fun stuff:-) which by the way I thoroughly enjoy now...
When he came home he smelled like the mill...a salt-of-the-earth fir/pine scent that still makes me feel safe and warm.
I'll miss knowing he's here but will SO look for him as soon as I get there!!!
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