zhiguzhabizha

REALLY? it's been THAT LONG???????

2011-11-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

Oh believe me, there have been more times than I can count in which I thought, "OH I WILL BLOG THIS" for you and I know, once it's in blog, it's FOREVER:-) right?

This Saturday is the memorial and some Indian namings...

What does this mean?

In my Indian world (it might be different in YOURS) when we lose our loved ones, we wait in mourning for a full year...one full dance around the sun before we take up our practices again - those of us who hunt must put down our rifles; if we are a pow wow dancer, we must hang up our sparkly laughing dresses and if we are a stickgamer (my love and fun forever) we must put away our songs and bells. Our year is almost over and on Saturday, we'll have our memorial for our mother. The mother of William (deceased); Victoria (deceased), We'eke Eykse We'eptes Aayat, Xunanpee, Twiepietit, Bill, Lonnie, Jolie, Heyuum Asa Kii, TukWyash and Waptas Timine passed away Nov 3, 2010. Although we didn't all follow traditions, we all had our way of passing the year and on Saturday we'll gather together, have a giveaway, dance into the longhouse in one long line; sing a few songs and remember our mother's smile and wise words...THEN comes the namings!

Names are what identifies us as Indian. I don't know about other tribes but that's how it is here at home.

I'm looking forward to AND dreading Saturday...but here it comes!

June 15, 1924

2011-06-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Life has been SO busy. Barely time to sleep much less time to share - but coming back to this site has been one of those "ahhhh" moments. I've missed you, my good online friends!

This is irony personified...just wanted to share a moment in history today:

Native American Citizenship

1924 Indian Citizenship Act

Until the Indian Citizenship Act of 1924, Indians occupied an unusual status under federal law. Some had acquired citizenship by marrying white men. Others received citizenship through military service, by receipt of allotments, or through special treaties or special statutes. But many were still not citizens, and they were barred from the ordinary processes of naturalization open to foreigners. Congress took what some saw as the final step on June 2, 1924 and granted citizenship to all Native Americans born in the United States.

President Calvin Coolidge with four Osage Indians after Coolidge signed the bill granting Indians full citizenship. Source — LOC, LC-USZ62-111409 DLC.

The granting of citizenship was not a response to some universal petition by American Indian groups. Rather, it was a move by the federal government to absorb Indians into the mainstream of American life. No doubt Indian participation in World War I accelerated the granting of citizenship to all Indians, but it seems more likely to have been the logical extension and culmination of the assimilation policy. After all, Native Americans had demonstrated their ability to assimilate into the general military society. There were no segregated Indian units as there were for African Americans. Some members of the white society declared that the Indians had successfully passed the assimilation test during wartime, and thus they deserved the rewards of citizenship.

Dr. Joseph K. Dixon, an active proponent of assimilating the "vanishing race" into white society, wrote:

"The Indian, though a man without a country, the Indian who has suffered a thousand wrongs considered the white man's burden and from mountains, plains and divides, the Indian threw himself into the struggle to help throttle the unthinkable tyranny of the Hun. The Indian helped to free Belgium, helped to free all the small nations, helped to give victory to the Stars and Stripes. The Indian went to France to help avenge the ravages of autocracy. Now, shall we not redeem ourselves by redeeming all the tribes?"

So, the Indian Citizenship Act of 1924 proclaimed:

"BE IT ENACTED by the Senate and house of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That all non citizen Indians born within the territorial limits of the United States be, and they are hereby, declared to be citizens of the United States: Provided That the granting of such citizenship shall not in any manner impair or otherwise affect the right of any Indian to tribal or other property. (Approved June 2, 1924)"

Not all Native Americans viewed citizenship as something wonderful. Their experiences in dealing with Washington and the states did not give them much confidence in the government or desire to participate in it. Some tribes feared they would have to give up their own sovereignty and the federal government would deny its treaty obligations. In the words of one Native American:

"United States citizenship was just another way of absorbing us and destroying our customs and our government. How could these Europeans come over and tell us we were citizens in our country? We had our own citizenship. By its [the Citizenship Act of 1924] provisions all Indians were automatically made United States citizens whether they wanted to be so or not. This was a violation of our sovereignty. Our citizenship was in our nations."

On the other hand, there were Native Americans who saw voting as a right that had been denied to them too long. Maine was one of the last states to overturn state legal barriers to Indian voting. That rankled Henry Mitchell, an Indian canoe maker:

"The Indians aren't allowed to have a voice in state affairs because they aren't voters. All they [the politicians] have to do out there is to look out for the interests of the Indians. Just why the Indians shouldn't vote is something I can't understand. One of the Indians went over to Old Town once to see some official in the city hall about voting. I don't know just what position that official had over there, but he said to the Indian, 'We don't want you people over here. You have your own elections over on the island, and if you want to vote, go over there.'"

Did the 1924 Act really mean the end of the journey in the Native American's march to equality or was it merely a rest stop? By the time the 1924 Citizenship Act was passed, two-thirds of all Indians had already gained citizenship. And while all Native Americans were now citizens, not all states were prepared to allow them to vote. Western states, in particular, engaged in all sorts of legal ruses to deny Indians the ballot. It was not until almost the middle of the 20th century that the last three states, Maine, Arizona and New Mexico, finally granted the right to vote to Indians in their states. And the policies of the federal government towards American Indians continued to change and evolve.

ohhhhhh I don't want to WOOORRRKK TODAY!!!!!!!

2011-05-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

You can't see them, but up in those hills are many of our traditional foods, for women such as I to go and gather...Piyaxi, Luuksh, Xoush to name only three...it's such a beautiful day outside and my kupn is sitting right by the door along with my rootbag!

OR I could just go upriver and explore...that's another favorite on such a day as this....but there it is...

Deadlines await:-)

HAPPY WEDNESDAY ALL!!!!!

Honor Song...

2011-05-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

On Saturday my brother, #1 son and I loaded up in our van and off we went to a small pow wow in a neighboring town. We'd been told they would do an honor song for our "dad" (actual foster dad to my brother, and quasi-adopted dad to me, we both called him "Pa" and loved him dearly) who had passed away last year. Off we went.

The drive over was interesting enough, the trees seem to greet us as we went by, "hey - good to see you guys again, drive safely!" and we saw a lot of beautiful sights on the way over...small tendrils of mossy growth wistfully climbing aged rock walls; tree nurseries full of baby fir trees laughing, playing and falling over each other as fat baby beings will do...it was a nice drive.

We got to the Pow Wow and actually none of us were really "feeling" it but as we walked in I could see my son getting that "ohhhhh yeah, I missed this" look on his face. We visited and laughed with people around us in line for the nice dinner hosted by the Pow wow group then it was time for grand entry.

We watched grand entry, snapped a few shots of different people we love or look up to then it was time. We admired the hard work and artistry that went into many of our friends and relatives outfits and we especially took in the elder women as they danced in with all their dignity and experience in their traditional dresses. Our sister Jacky called us over and we trotted off obediently and got in line with the "family."

The emcee started talking about the honoring...how do you "honor" these two people who had left us? Atway Jay, a leader and historian, one who carried with him traditions and knowledge unfathomable in depth, Atway Jeri, the richly magnificent mom of a beautiful family and the core of our gatherings, the one who laughed with us when we were happy, and gently patted us when we were sad, who would say sharp things yet with a smile and gentle voice.

I had only met them in the 90's when working at an urban arm of tribal government. I had been hired as the receptionist and Atway Jay had greeted me with a handshake and smile, asking who my family was, then telling me "oh I know all about you." Then came Jeri who finding out my background, took me under her wing without question. From that day forward they would look in on me everytime they were around and they would expect me to be a part of their lives.

There's no way to express the importance of this connection because as the story goes, I was raised pretty much without anyone who would do this. Later, I went home to my own family, my mother, brothers and the whole huge extended core of my being. Long story short, coming home was as rough as being away were it not for the patient guidance of a few of my brothers and cousins.

In retrospect I understand my biological mother had a rough life. So rough, it's truly astounding that she survived. The lesson learned here is that each individual deals with adverse situations differently.

Upon coming home to stay within one year I'd lost my cousin, auntie and other parts of my being. I planned on diving into this amazing family and started with my "dad" who then passed away with cancer...I turned to my mom who had chosen a life path of brusque harshness with which to shield her soul from the paralyzing blows life had dealt her. She stood tall up to the end with her snapping eyes and quick retort, but the strength in her made me speechless with awe; For some reason she never "took" to me. For many reasons actually. I am the spitting image of my father whom I'm told was a laugh a minute and as kind as you could ask for when he was sober...and the utter and absolute opposite when he was drunk - which was more often than not. In many ways, I represented what she once was and no longer could be...although to myself I often feel old and used up, to her I must have been the picture of vitality taking the world by the tail and spinning it at whim...for whatever reasons, after her passing, I found that she had not even acknowledged me in her will as her offspring...something I continue growing used to without pangs of that young child standing in the cold...

Atway Jay and Jeri took the sting of my mother's treatment of me away. Where she degraded me and scoffed at my hopes and dreams, they sheltered me and advised me. Where she scratched at my psyche and poured salt into exposed nerve, they loved me and poured healing rosewater songs into my wounded soul. The world was a shaky place and they made it safe.

All of these things zipped through my mind as I danced around the pow wow floor with this amazing extended family. I wondered how I could ever express these things to those to whom it matters. I realized I just can't. I couldn't get the words out because as I recalled Jeri's gentle voice urging me forward I started to cry...when I remembered Jay's words after I ran for a particular office and lost, he took me aside and told me "don't you be ashamed, you did a good job, a damn good job, you be PROUD of yourself." He always expected our best...it would never have occurred to him that what we attempted we might not achieve. When we tried to take a step back he would just laugh at us and push us forward...if he didn't laugh we would actually JUMP forward:-)

No, there aren't enough words, not enough songs to honor these two who are now gone, but often I see them; I see Atway Jay's smile in his grandson, and Jeri's affectionate touch in her daughter...I see his determination and grit in his grand daughter's eyes, and his quick smile in my own son's dance. I often hear her voice, our Mugg, when I question "should I do this or not?" and she would just look at me and say "GET OUT THERE" or "YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO" and then just smile and shake her head...I miss her delightful little gifts she would bring me from time to time, a little purple picture frame, a purple flowered bag, a richly colored purple barrette.

When I look at my brother as he moves forward to what is expected of him I remember how Jay always used to tell him "it's YOUR turn now"

Honor...the legacy these two left is that there are many younger people with a vision...two of us are working in our way towards this vision. Everything they stood for was about honor...and as long as there are songs to sing, causes to fight for, issues to resolve, the legacy of these two will stand.

relying on the kindness of strangers

2011-04-22T14:51:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to get jaded in this world. A rude bus driver, that one woman who incessantly yells at her children in the most nasal, whiny yet raspy voice you've ever heard; the close "friend" who steals your cashed paycheck right off your desk while you're finishing a last minute chore. These are examples of why we finally throw our hands in the air and say "that's it, I'll not trust another living soul as long as I live."

For awhile this works out well. We go along in our lives as though in our human hamster wheels...go to work, go home, go to the store, go to the bar...go home, go to work, on and on...we don't touch anyone and we certainly try our hardest not to let anyone touch US!

Every now and then someone comes along to shift our perspective back and we can once again breathe a sigh of warm relief and realize that bitterness makes one brittle; unforgiveness makes one tired and ill.

I was running late yesterday on my flight home from a week-long conference. Tired, broke (really REALLY broke) and physically sore I waited in line behind a long line of people from another country who try as they might could not fit the required weight limit in their stainless steel luggage and who in broken english were trying their hardest to dissuade the counter worker from keeping the rules. Time ticked by and although I'd arrived at the airport in ample time, my little margin was wearing thin. I finally got to the counter, got my boarding pass, checked my luggage and was told HURRY boarding starts in 25 minutes.

Off I hurried to get to what I thought I had heard was gate D6. My legs were hurting and I know I probably looked pretty pitiful when the dulcet tones of a beautiful airline goddess said to me "Miss, please come this way" and she ushered me through a delightful gate from the long line of those awaiting security checks to being the second in line. Bless her heart. I was relieved and my carry on and I sailed through.

I got to gate D6 and realized I had made a mistake, it was actually gate D26 I was supposed to be at so I hurried to my correct gate, got on the plane and for the rest of my trip everything was amazing.

Thank you kind lady in Las Vegas, you have restored the balance of my reality!!!!!!!

this moms view...

2011-04-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

i hear horrific news from afar
and on the winds i hear cries of mothers
searching for children long lost in
the tumult

my spirit weeps when a child i see
picking through
piles of rubble in tears
once home

far away or right next door
mothers arise to
battle the horrors
of night

creatures of prey
rustle through walls
each day more terror
is wrought

and one day soon
the songs will arise
sung from mothers of forever
woven of the sun
and harmonized
by light

yes one day soon
when songs arise
sung by mothers
notes of justice
on wings of laughter
healing

Not that I believe moms are always right because if you walk down any aisle in any supermarket it's clear they're not, but I'm reminded of mothers such as the mom of Chief Joseph, or Yellow Wolf, any of the courageous men who fought for our tribes' sovereignty and I'm reminded even of battles long before us...there is always of a mom who taught a warrior the right way...if you listen closely you can hear them singing in the background when any world trauma happens...or any world joy...or even just if its a clear sunny day...

Wild n Woolly!

2011-04-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

OMG such a weekend it was...

My granddaughters arrived in shifts...the two youngest arrived first, as princesses ought, tiaras awry from the long drive however nothing daunted, they stepped from the chariot with due dignity giving way to screams of adoration over the two "Fats" (Buttons and Sussy the dogs).

The oldest granddaughter arrived late at night carried in on a litter of soft blankets and her dad's jacket...

Oh yes, and my daughter J and son D also arrived with their significant others in tow...

The raucous laughter at bawdy jokes...amazing food prepared by daughter-in-law who's in culinary school...sleepy songs sung to restless toddlers...an impromptu bonfire (actually, this was a "Tom Sawyer-ish" scheme I thought of on the fly...something like this - "I love this big fire out here...it's fun because I just keep finding things to BURN in it" and viola! my yard was cleaned!)...FINALLY some time to catch up on "girl" talk with my two daughters...

I am rich and my life is BEAUTIFUL.

FRIDAYYYYYY

2011-03-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

I've been trying UBER hard to work...oh, I've done this little chore and that little presentation, but the actual WORK I need to do? Not gettin' done...

It's not exactly a lovely day, it's pretty chilly and grey outside - the kind of day one might build a nice fire and perhaps do some necklace making? Or even just curl up here with King Sir Chitten Chat and read a good book...

OR I could go outside in the brisk, fresh Spring air and play with my two little fats...oh, you might know them as puppies, but if you'll check them out it's clear to see they are merely called "fats"

Weaving and sewing always call my name on a day like this, so I'm not sure what to expect but I do know it's going to be amazing because here's the truth: A DAY IS WHAT I MAKE IT and I choose to make today AMAZING...
I hope you all have amazing weekends!

this river carries my thoughts

2011-03-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

twilight moments of lingering memories
twinges of pain amid cool smiles
swirling fingertips in pools of magic
this river carries my thoughts

once youthful bouncy saucy flitting
nary a pause given to future
save flawed moments of dour ponder
the murky floods of dark abandon

fortune flows through golden haze
heat and cold, the wax and wane
contralto aria woven through
eyes closed to taste time's juice

gracious years unfold their wings
emerging gently spirit glows
deepened shadows ride the song
and smiles rise with opened heart

no less grateful than at dawn
twilight beckons, ever warm
take a moment...a sigh...a bite
for now in depths - you are truly aged

twilight moments and memories linger
twinges of pain amid cool smiles
swirling fingertips in pools of magic
this river carries my thoughts

excited

2011-03-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

lithe tendrils pushing through

spots of color bravely new

wafts of scents flit by on breeze

Spring is waking up

loamy soil breathes strong and warm

dainty bulbs bloom yellow form

gentle rain sings hopefully...

Spring is waking up

smoky ashes flickering ember

fire warm with chill remembered

build just one more fire?

Spring is waking up!

confront to resolve...

2011-03-14T15:51:00.000-07:00

One of my dearest friends told me this once - and throughout my life, I've had a few people who were willing to step out on a limb and tell me when they thought I was going the wrong way. One, I'll share because it still poignantly reminds me to be REAL.

In fifth grade it was determined I had enough of a lisp to be considered a speech impediment; I was chosen along with a fellow student Annie B to attend speech therapy. Annie B was a little different that "the rest of us" and as you well know, fifth graders are particularly unforgiving of quirks and differences. To the rest of the world, I don't believe I'd have ever admitted that I actually loved Annie B...we'd laugh and joke and talk during our speech therapy. One day after school she ran up to me and said something all happy and smelling like a fresh spring afternoon - I looked at her like I'd never seen her before and said something particularly odious - the smile melted off her face and for a flash of time she looked unutterably sad then she got angry and said to me "you're nothing but a fair weather friend Shawna, and it's worse than not HAVING a friend, having a fair weather friend!"

I didn't think so much about it until later in life but she was speaking the truth to me...DEEP truth.

It's so much kinder in the long run, to speak the truth at the beginning of "something"...when my sister and I are in an argument I will now just tell you, "when you do THIS, I feel THIS..." and I believe we will both be stronger for it. When my friend is rushing headlong down a path that ends in a steep and unforgiving cliff, I will call to her "stop or you're going to run off a cliff!" instead of HOPING she figures it out...

I will always be grateful to the one who told me "confront to resolve"

POSTSCRIPT: I later in life met up with Annie B in a more loosely structured time, she'd chosen a path not taken by many and her life was full of light and love; I apologized to her at that time because I knew I had been wrong, she readily forgave me and we've been friends since. This brings out another point in the confront to resolve topic. APOLOGIES ARE SOMETIMES NECESSARY. I hear a lot around me about "NEVER BE SORRY FOR YOUR ACTIONS, YOU ACTED FROM THE HEART" and I just do not believe this to be the most productive response. An apology though, coming from the repentant heart goes a long way in restoring a wounded trust.

home to stay...

2011-02-23T14:13:00.000-08:00

Next week I'll be out all week on biz...and that's a good thing, I thoroughly anticipate an adventure whilst on my way - because I've learned that if you seek an adventure, odds are, you'll find one.

No, before I go I have home things to attend to and this is exciting too, kind of a warm smell of homemade bread excitement. This coming Sunday is our annual Celery Feast. I wrote about it a year ago (or maybe two) but it's really one of the most amazing holidays to me. For truly, being at home on this land has changed the meaning of the word "holiday" I no longer think of pink candy hearts or plastic grass laden baskets...no, when I think of holiday, I see our treaty signatures which line the wall in one of our buildings, for Treaty Day is a day of rememberance here at home; I don't look with longing at tinsel strewn trees (although I do love their smell) or with wondrance at the brightly wrapped gifts beneath (and again, don't get me wrong, I love a good gift during Christmas) but I do think in the Winter time, December 21 is one of our holidays "Indian New Year"

Celery Feast is awesome and here's how it goes: on friday, we diggers (women) all gather together at the longhouse for a hot breakfast together then, dressed in our "work wings" and anything else that might be needed for the day off we go out into our gathering places. This particular feast is for the wild Celery which when you bite into it tastes like the most delightful shade of green with undertones of wisdom derived from many rains.

We'll spend the day digging the Celery then on Saturday will spend about half the day preparing Sunday's meal. Saturday night will be a giveaway for those who need one and then Sunday morning will be the service (longhouse style) and then the FEAST.

All of these idyllic moments add up to HOME...and of course as with any universe, there are those charred moments of burnt hopes, there are moment frozen with hopelessness that one can only stand in for a minute maybe two...

It's all good though because FINALLY I feel like I'm

HOME TO STAY

have you EVER?

2011-02-22T13:59:00.000-08:00

Do you ever pause and go back, way WAYYYY back in your blogs and read some of your posts? I did so today, I was looking for something specific, and I have to say this, thank you for your faithful encouragement - I read some with embarrassment and some with this feeling of "wow I can't actually believe it was ME who wrote that!"

I read some of YOUR blogs that way, I love the depth of your character...your perception of the world around us...

It's a crazy world this blog-iverse we live in!

Hope you're all having a good day

Speechless

2011-02-18T16:58:00.000-08:00

Okay I do apologize for the long absence...I've dropped by a few times on some of your pages but to tell you the truth, I've been rendered utterly speechless for a month or so now.

We all dream our dreams...though crushed and tattered the human spirit forges ahead with indomitable strength in the face of absolute hopelessness in the ever elusive wisp of dreams.

As a young child my dreams weren't big. I wanted to be a nurse - in my youth nurses still wore white and had hats, if these hats bore black stripes, she was an RN, if not, she might be an LPN or trainee...I can't tell you how many reams of paper I drew dark black lines across starting of course a little squiggly then as sophistication grew I learned to use a ruler...many a kitten, puppy, WATER DOG (can I just interject here, EWWW), calf, horse, doll...was rendered sickly then at the tender mercies of my hands WELL...

For awhile in my tweens I dabbled from medical to medical - staying at the outskirts, never diving in...then one day out of the blue, whilst living in Bonners Ferry Idaho, a tribal member from the Kootenai Tribe of Idaho walked into my home and offered me a job as a file clerk. In all my years, I'd never worked in an office. EVER. I timidly accepted the position, explaining to her as I have you, that this was brand new to me. She assured me they would train, so off I went to my new office job only to find that upon hiring me, she went on a two week vacation. For two weeks I came faithfully to work on time, sat for eight hours not doing anything productive, not knowing a soul in the office and then went home...finally she returned from her vacation and without actually "training" me, she began to train me. Little did I know this was my "thing" and off I went, within six months of being hired having been promoted to Executive Assistant...

While working there I had a few contacts with the outer realm of the Indian political world...it was dazzling and sang out to me in siren song and somehow I just knew this was even MORE of my thing...

Fast forward. I moved to the city armed with my few years of experience and fast track training. I got one job and then immediately saw another that not only paid more but seemed more related to what I STILL loved, the health world. Stayed there for a bit and got even more training...served as staff to a Board of Directors consisting of tribal leaders from 43 tribes. It never occurred to me then that I would one day sit at THAT table but almost within months of returning home I was elected to the position within my tribal government that lead me where? TO THAT TABLE...

I've always listened with awe to the leaders around this table...speaking with authority and ease of rememberance, they talk about annual budgets and policies as though discussing grilled cheese and tomatore soup. They rub shoulders and shake hands with others from the nation who also sit at the table in THEIR regions...at the head of our table, a smaller table with five people called "the executive committee" and when THEY spoke I would listen closely...these are the ones with the REAL authority...

I will tell you truthfully it never occurred to me to even dream of sitting at that smaller table but in January, I was elected to the executive committee...and I've been speechless ever since.

I'm thankful because not everyone gets to live their dream; I'm grateful beyond words to those who taught me and nurtured me. I'm somewhat trepidatious because I want to make sure I never bring shame to those who believed in me...I'm excited because I believe I will learn to make decisions that will have an effect on even my grandchildren's generations and yet here I am, still a little speechless that this is where I am...

delightfully freezy

2011-01-14T12:45:00.000-08:00

It's been delightfully freezy around here...I will share with you via photo because although I've been busy and away I never can quit takin' pictures!

No picture story would be complete without King Sir Chitten Chat...here you see him lounging in his new paper sack...which he was totally offended about when I threw it in the stove...he literally looked at me askance as if to say "we, the royal Chitten are NOT amused"

Auntie Umatilla showing off on a chilly morning on my way to work...lookin' FINE!!!!

would you LOOK at the sky? I mean REALLY...

I was quite taken with the textures in this picture...hope you enjoy it too

You know me...always a sucker for a sunset!!!

this one was taken on a snowy morning...interesting how the snow photographed

King Sir Chitten Chat doesn't really like the puppies...can you tell? The white one is called "Sussy" because she was rescusitated at birth...the one with the brown head is called "Snoopy" for now although he's quite bossy and will likely have another name soon!

Have a good weekend all!

2011-01-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

Education is important, that fact has long been recognized and is not key to this discussion. Oh don't get me wrong, I give my deepest respect and loudest applause to those who follow their dreams and ambitions through the many years, hard work and struggles it takes to acquire that coveted piece of paper upon which is written in the most stylish of calligraphy that indeed So and So has earned Such and Such Degree...

What I want to discuss today is how one individual with what has been said to be a sixth grade education has honed her narcissistic power hungry ability to genius form in political manipulation. A brother whom she treated as a distasteful oaf can be seen fawning after her opinions in a most pathetic manner..another relative having aspiring to and achieving a higher position on the ladder can be seen in daily conferences with her...many of the community at large can be heard speaking her name with disdain and suspicion and yet although well aware of her many financial indiscretions - payment of her husband out of committee funds...oh the list goes on and on. I've pondered this for quite some time now because although this person is rarely spoken of with respect, although for the most part she gets her way by lies, deceit and blackmail and without the benefit of higher education she has found a way to "crack the code" as it were while my young educated friend bangs her head on the proverbial brick wall on a daily basis trying to move forward progressively and with innovative policies...

Neither is right. Uneducated and manipulativ vs. educated and proud...both are doomed to eventual failure.

Politics are fun.

Happy NDN New Year...

2010-12-22T17:41:00.000-08:00

There are a LOT of things going on in this world right now...but for a moment on Monday, those of us in our little longhouse in Eastern Oregon paused to give thanks for the year...to pray for the new foods and a new cycle of life coming around...it was joyous and rich.

These are two of the young women you can always find at the longhouse - those are such beautiful smiles!

As other groups and cultures celebrate the Solstices, we celebrate the New Year...it is the renewal, the time of new foods and turning our backs on the old year and the old issues.

We gathered first for a meal - for it seems we Indians eat together often - but this meal felt warm and inviting. When I got to the kitchen, there was Grandma Lonnie in her beautiful dress cooking the roots and I was so happy to see her! Leigh was also there, she's a quiet but deep woman and Trish who is somehow my new always and forever - I love her more than I can say and for reasons I can't enumerate...she's the ultimate mama and always has everyone dressed perfectly and her energy is limitless - I'm blessed to have her in the kitchen because sometimes I just really can't do it...

Grandma Lonnie made the pies beforehand

After the meal it's time for service - the singing of our beautiful songs and the longhouse dance in which we symbolize "making a path for our way" during this part we're given the opportunity to speak from our heart and this is when anything we say is SAFE.

When it's over we all shake hands and laugh raucously, hugging and smiling all around -

The next morning just felt SO NEW

just sayin'

2010-12-15T18:20:00.000-08:00

learning things is sometimes just the dang pits...
while I was on my LEARNING trip to Vegas (and believe me, although bright lights and glittery shiny was on display in ABUNDANCE it was in every way a LEARNING trip) I was reminded by my instructor that we are mirrors....when we are annoyed, irritated, disgusted sometimes flat pissed off at someone, often it's only that they're reflecting a facet of OUR personality we're not too keen on....

It's true. I didn't want to admit it, I just wanted to say "well what if they're just someone I don't LIKE or something" and other equally as childish responses but it's true...

Flip side - and get this one DEEPLY if you can - those you love are equally as reflective - do you love their depth? That's you...do you love their humor? YOU AGAIN...and so on.

That's all I have today - just remembering it all day has been EXHAUSTING.

:-) I think I'm just gonna go gamble for a little bit now - k?

Creator is BIG...I am small...

2010-12-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

On my flight home recently, I took these pictures...they made me feel both small and safe

it's a wonderful world.

discretion IS the better part of valor

2010-12-03T18:31:00.000-08:00

It's been a week from hell - I won't lie to you. Crushing disappointments, moments of forgotten grief from multiple losses (the month of November), regular daily stress, continued frustration with "the wheel" and the rest of the sad stories...

One of the days this week, I had one of those flashes of anger - you know the ones, so white hot there's nothing in you but wilted exhaustion when its done? I almost threw in the towel - said "I'm done, you take it from here" and walked away from my job...I almost said things to people that should never be said, and I almost did many things this week all because of this stupid emotional turmoil churning away...

I didn't do those things. I bit my lip and put down my head...I walked away and went to the copier instead of speaking...I listened to someone else's story and to my surprise found myself crying on HER behalf...

Today I got some good news. News that actually brought home that saying "discretion is the better part of valor" THANK YOU for not letting me say those words...for not throwing in the towel and walking off this job...THANK YOU FOR THIS JOB and thank you for not letting me LOOSE!

I am grateful:-) IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY

Dear President Obama: November has come and gone...where is the fanfare of "Native American Month?"

2010-12-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

I was just told a story by one of my coworkers...she'll remain unnamed at this point because I didn't ask her first but the story she told me shook me to the core AND reminded me of what we're really doing "here." My rendition of this story is sketchy because I heard it for the first time just minutes ago. Something we hear often from our longhouse is "if you don't tell the story you've heard you'll lose it" and I don't ever want to lose this.

My friends' grandma was a little girl...they were riding on horseback from one place to another and would encounter clans from time to time on their journey. They were arriving to one of these clans and as they came around the corner, they saw piles of what they realized were dogs. They kept riding and as they came across the homes, they found everyone there was dead but what was strange to them was that there were no children.

In a hopeful way, I imagine, they all thought that the children were out hiding, as my friends' grandma had been told to hide on occasion. Not true. They rounded the corner and to her grandma's horror (remember the grandma was a small girl at the time) they came across all the children - hanging dead from trees by their ankles.

I tell you this story not to horrify you, rather as a reminder for myself. This battle we fight is not against this entity or that agency...it is against the blind ignorance which rolled across our nations killing and robbing in blank rage...it's against the concept of blank rage and its to strengthen our tribes through honesty and education to wage war for generations to come against such indignities and horrific violence.

In this day and age we don't encounter young Indian children hanging from trees but we DO encounter the concept of our people as "expendable resources." We see our children exploited in much more modern and yet just as violently...to not say this would be folly indeed. We encounter our elders being abused by their own children...having their medications stolen so they have to lie in bed awake and in pain night after night...our children and grandchildren face a bleak future if we don't continue this fight...

Kind of makes my bad day seem so trite...I apologize to my elders.

tell the truth deanie!

2010-11-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up (in Brookings Oregon) we went to spend a week or so each summer with our family friends in Silverton, Oregon. There were two kids my age and younger, Nedra and Deanie....his name is now Dean and I believe he's the principal at a school in Southern Oregon...ANYWAY, Nedra and I would concoct the imaginative and ingenius (in our minds anyway) escapades paralleled only in adventure movies and these would sometimes go awry...Deanie would follow along because we were older and he just wanted to be part of it. One such time we knocked over a flower pot which broke and left a poor defenseless fern lying on the ground. Their mom came out and immediately asked what happened. Nedra, being a quick thinker, said "Deanie did it" Deanie tried to protest but Nedra looked at him in all earnestness and said "now tell the TRUTH Deanie..."

I share this anecdote as a preface for this: I have a good friend, a spiritual leader who it seems has untold stores of strength in his being...he leads us through funerals and death bed singing and he never wavers from his strength and always has good words of encouragement to share...he stands besides dearly loved relatives and without tears talks about how they lived their life. He talked just last week at the side of my uncle...also his uncle and he said "I start thinking about how hard things are sometimes but I remember my aunt's words, she said no matter how hard it is for you someone else is having a harder time" and he also said "I'm trying not to be selfish..."

So the truth is, I'm not that strong...I don't have his strength and I don't have his ability to stand in the face of all challenges...I want to. But I don't.

So the truth is: I'm feeling wimpy today and I just wish I could go home. I miss my cousin who would have words of wisdom for me...I miss my friend who would have made me laugh...I just want to go home.

I won't though...and I will learn from this day...

Native American Heritage Month...

2010-11-19T12:30:00.000-08:00

I don't want to beat a dead horse but it seems somehow trite to me that this nation has to even HAVE a "Native American Heritage" day...but that's just my opinion

In the spirit of sharing though I want to share about two brave American Indian women from our history...these women touched my heart in the deepest of ways...I hope to one day meet them:

This excerpt is from the book "Yellow Wolf, His Own Story" and is where Yellow Wolf talks about his mother (Yiyik Wasumwah )

My mother could use the gun against soldiers if they

bothered her. She could ride any wild horse and shoot

straight. She could shoot the buffalo and was not afraid

of the grizzly bear.

Also in this same book is another brave woman:

AN UNSUNG HEROINE

More fortunate, perhaps, than the Nemesis-pursued White Feather

was Halpawinmi (Dawn) . Eighteen or twenty years of age, strong

and handsome in form and physique, and endowed with a beautiful

personality, she was the recognized belle and favorite of her tribe.

Though her brother was killed in her presence, she did not give way

to unavailing grief and lamentation. Disdaining to flee the awful

holocaust about her, she fell while ministering to the wounded and

dying about her.

This is a picture I found of Yellow Wolf's mother...

pervasive sadness

2010-11-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago my mother passed. this was a sad and intense time for my siblings and I, six brothers and one sister as well as our children extended family. Although it was a sad time, we were also quite thankful for the end of our mother's suffering, she'd fought valiantly against cancer for many, many years. I'm the oldest now...which in so many ways just seems WRONG - wait! I need someone to tell ME what to do too!!!!

I'm sure many are familiar with the pangs that accompany the loss of a great influence in our lives...our mothers, fathers, older siblings, aunties, uncles...but I guess the older I get and the more acquainted I become with the stark reality of the afterlife, I find myself sometimes longing for a glimpse from their side of the sky...in my culture we dress our beloved in pure white buckskin clothing so that on that final day as the sun rises, we all will rise with the sun dressed in our finest. We have women who dress the women and men who dress the men and a song is sung throughout this ceremony. As I ran my hand across my mother's final garment I couldn't help but celebrate the fresh whiteness of this dress and I pictured her rising in the sun as a young vibrant woman running to greet the love of her life, my "dad" Wes who passed over a year ago. I picked up her little moccasins for her feet were much like mine...round and short...I had to smile at imagining her dancing with my dad.

So although there is a pervasive sadness in the loss, I feel a great joy on her behalf as well as an excitement to the core of my being for MY day to take that journey although I do intend to hang around here for quite some time first.

My little brother (little brother being almost 40)called me this morning and when I answered the phone all I could hear was him trying not to cry...I thought for a second "how am I going to do this...I don't have this kind of I wish I would have told him about these moments I had considered about our mother, I believe I will...

today

2010-11-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

dang! it was BUSY!!!!
but very promising:-)

I LOVE THE CHANGING SEASONS...

2010-11-16T11:37:00.000-08:00

riotous celebration of color - Warm Springs, Oregon

Showing off for company - Hood River, Oregon

One aspect of home...

I do love to see a storm brewing...it cleanses the spiritual palate

I'm sure you know I can't get enough of sunsets

with the changing weather comes cozy fires

driving home on a cloudy day...the colors just called to me

again the sunset lights the skies from my home

a blurry colorful shot on a sunday drive

my "auntie" Umatilla River with the blues in the background

silvery amazingness

Homeless for the Holidays...

2010-11-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

The other day my brother and I were driving down the road, I was talking about getting some things together for the homeless shelters I know of in that city we go to so often...I like to put little packages together and not bring them to the shelter, that seems so sterile and not in the true spirit of giving, I like to bring the gifts down to the streets inhabited by these wandering souls...

Another one of my brilliant career choices included during my late teen years about three years of homelessness. This was brought on by some faulty choices and failed attempts at "living free." Homelessness didn't make me sad, but during the holidays, I would see people's lights going up on their homes and in some neighborhoods as I walked through I could smell the scent of cookies being baked as it wafted through the comfy looking homes out into the street. I lived in an area (in the city) near a bakery, my dwelling was next to a bridge piling and was constructed from boxes and a big rain poncho I found somewhere. The smell of bread baking each Wednesday night comforted me and I would sleep well knowing that SOMEWHERE someone was getting freshly baked bread. My homey little soul would pick up small holiday decorations dropped and left by others in sundry places and I would put these around my "home." I would be cheered (the human spirit is RESILIENT) by some semis as they roared down the freeway with brightly light trailers. I knew I was homeless, I knew it was the "holidays" and I felt a sense of longing like no other when I could see the merriment on faces walking by in utter disregard of my plight.

All of this came back to me when I had mentioned to my brother what I wanted to do with my Christmas money and he responded "oh they don't know what season it is out there, they chose to live in that life and they don't care about the holidays..." so I shared with him about my different holidays in the streets and he was very thoughtful about that and he commented afterwards "well you'd never know that they might feel like that unless you heard if from someone who had been there!"

Not everyone you see in the streets chose to be there...they can't all "just go and get a job" and they often are ashamed of their plight rather than reveling in their "freedom," I'm so thankful for what I have today...I'm thankful for my family and friends...I'm thankful to be able to sit and write this small token of recognition for the forgotten world out there and I hope that as they say by writing it, I'll remember it more closely.

it's NOT all about me!

2010-10-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

I was pouting this morning. Yes, and had a very negative outlook on the world. I looked at a picture of my granddaughter, and as I was walking by the front office I saw a picture of a young boy who'd gone missing in Portland this last week.

I hope this young boy is returned unharmed to his family...to the core of my being I hope this...and I am grateful to know that each of my granddaughters are safe today...

Nothing to pout about HERE!!!!!

compassion...

2010-10-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

My good friend said this: "We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world" I didn't realize hed' gotten that from this page: http://charterforcompassion.org/

I love that he said that. Compassion is a difficult task for the sun-baked hedonistic society most of us dwell in. We look with distaste at the woman forlornly pushing her shopping cart up the street, turning up our nose at her wildly mussed hair and untied shoes...we think nothing of driving by the vacuous blue eyed girl standing in the street with her cardboard sign saying "god bless" if you give her a quarter. I myself have felt the heated burn of anger that someone young enough to STAND in that place for eight hours certainly must be able to find work...for truly, I couldn't stand there for ONE hour let alone eight...

Having said that, I will work harder on THAT part of me:-)

It's a busy day and I need to accomplish some tasks...so I will leave you with this:

A pancake, two eggs and a sausage walk into a bar.

The bartender says, Sorry. We do not serve breakfast.'

oh frabjous day!

2010-10-07T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well I had a lot to say today but I'm in a meeting right now and it's making me want to grind my teeth...I guess the upside to that is that in between being very busy and important I can write this fun stuff...

'Course that was yesterday and now again...busy.

HOWEVER.

It's a good day and here's why:

Friends and Family are rich and in abundance, they're wise, funny, loving, truthful and raucous.
The sun rose from the east - this is always a good thing
My kitty continues to accomplish that for which we acquired him...depleting the mouse population in my world - for that, my kitty deserves high praises and happy dances
Purple items are in abundance in my world...
I think I'm growing a little each day...at least that's my goal

Life is good...

ever the adventurers

2010-09-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

The week's half over and I really wanted to share our last adventure...

I was invited to attend an event in Portland (although our dogs had glamorized the big city with gloriously exaggerated names, those dogs have left -Paw Lee and Princess Phat- and we now have two borrowed dogs named Lop Ears and Shy Girl. Lop and Shy don't glamorize anything, in fact, they actually think of Portland as the Stink and Noise place. So off we went, my brother and I, to Stink and Noise...

We were going to an event called "Dancing in the Square" and it was hosted in honor of American Indian Day...did you know there WAS such a day? Side comment - I love watching these older gentlemen play chess at the square, they're very intent on their game and it's like the hustle and bustle of harried shoppers and joyous buskers aren't a part of their world. Such focus.

The Dancing the in Square was an interesting visit for me, I used to live in this city, I used to love the noise and the hurry and the clackers (you know, the sound of stilettos on the bricks of the square), I used to perm my hair and {shudder} even had my bi-weekly NAIL appointments. I chuckle at that now, I don't have time, couldn't do what I do and don't even CARE about these things now...do the huckleberries care if my nails are groomed? Do the songs ring out stronger if my hair is kinky? No...HOWEVER I do love the

Ahhhhh, but again, I digress... At the gathering there were many groups of drummers, the one in this picture particularly caught our ears, they were melodious and STRONG. We listened to a few others but really, these were our favorites for the day...

In the picture here is the whip man, who runs the dance arena. This wasn't the traditional role of a whipman and I actually think that whole idea should be left for another time...

Non-Indians were welcomed to the floor to share THEIR versions of our dances, it was fun and made for a lot of laughter and comraderie.

SOOOOO

AFTER the big event, off to revelries and frivolities...beverages flowing cooly through minty straws and this strange looking creature caught my attention...you know the drill, I had to take the picture! It was kind of eery and odd in a comfy way...you do the math:-)

Visiting with the kids commenced and that's yet another long story...we'll save it.

Saturday, while driving around Miss Nellie, we took a jaunt up the hill to see the Pittock mansion...it was a nice little detour

Of course, during said visit, grand-daughter number four found time to play footsie with my brother:

It was amazing. We drove out of the humid noise and bustle of Portland up to the cool mountainy air of Mt Hood. At one of our rest stops I walked around a little bit...these purple flowers were literally BEGGING me to take their picture. I obliged of course because I too appreciated their vigorously purple air of strength and wild.

I love wild horses - these were showing off along the way

You can smell juniper as soon as you get to this part of the state...I LOVE this smell!!!

I found some kind of flora to gather...my brother patiently waited for me and sneakily took my picture

I just love the artistry in our surroundings...

We were greeted affectionately by Sir Chitten Chat upon our safe arrival home

Lettin' 'Er Buck!!!!!

2010-09-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Pendleton Round Up...

Just the phrase alone has myriads of meanings to each individual...the week was frought with many feelings of impending disaster, for truly, last year's event was tragic and left a lot of Indians feeling sad and at a loss. At last year's Round-Up a stabbing occurred, gang related and involving a lot of our tribal youth. This year many measures were taken to ensure safety, these were of course met with stone-cold faces for as much as we like our independence, we don't like to "be told what to do and when to do it."

On to the frivolities...as you'll note from my pictures, the certain parts of the event are more dear to my heart than others:-)

Historically, the Pendleton Round Up started in 1910. This was the 100th year and as such was slated as the event of a lifetime. Indians had a history of participating since it's inception...please look that up for there are many more interesting pictures than I can provide here:-)

I wanted to share about the beauty pageant and I as I was reading other reviews I came across these words WHICH ARE NOT MINE - THEY ARE EXCERPTED FROM AN EAST OREGONIAN NEWSPAPER ARTICLE:
By ERIN MILLS East Oregonian

Like an enchanted maze, the Indian Village on the morning of the Junior American Indian Beauty Pageant revealed a gem around every corner.

Standing near her family’s teepee, each contestant soaked up the diligent attention of her female relatives. Braided, furred, dressed, belted, beaded and moccasined, she bloomed into a classic Indian maiden of the Columbia Plateau.

Their dresses were handed down from their grandmothers, their belts carefully beaded by moms and aunties. They were drenched in history. But for most of them, the beauty pageant was all about feeling pretty.

“It’s fun because I don’t get to dress up like this a lot,” said L’Rissa Sohappy as her mother, LeAnn Alexander, tucked and polished her regalia.

“I can see all the regalia and see other people’s regalia — it’s so pretty,” said Julia Ikeandrews, 8, a Yakama Nation member from White Swan, Wash.

Julia wore a beaded belt, cuffs and leggings handed down from her great-grandmother and her grandmother’s breastplate. Her mother, Raye Ikeandrews, said Julia is excited to dress up every year. They always travel to Pendleton for the Round-Up, she said.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said.

Many families still reunite at the Indian Village every year from all over southeastern Washington, northeastern Oregon and Idaho. Traditionally, a family camps in one section of the village year after year.

Teepees are not a traditional dwelling of Plateau Indians, but sleeping under a circle of poles, surrounded by family, still feels like a return to traditional times.

“You get up in the morning, look around and it’s kind of like you’re stepping back in time,” said Wilson Totus, a member of the Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation.

The morning of the beauty pageant, Totus was busy looking after his young grandchildren, a few of whom were getting ready for the event. He no longer rides in the relay races or performs in Happy Canyon, he said, but the Indian Village is important — it’s all about family.

Other key parts of the Round Up included the Dancing in the Park:

For all the dancers there has to be drummers, some of THESE are my brothers!

Below is my good friend Tut who although pretty young carries with her the wisdom of ages and the grace of a woman who knows her world and freely walks it. She didn't win but she should have...

Round up was full of fun and excitement - I had the honor or driving around the golf carts so some of the Elders didn't have to walk very far. It was an amazing task because some of these elders had the most astounding and fun stories to tell! The flip side was that of course I had to hear about all the complaints they had as well...I'm perfectly happy to take the good along with the bad!

The carnival was part of the festivities and here's a quick fact: the carnival that comes to this event is the same one I used to work for in the 70's.

I would be remiss in not sharing the visits I had with the many horses in attendance at the Round Up...

My favorite horse as it turns out, was ridden by CTUIR General Council Chairman AH. The horse's name is Bart although upon our first meeting I asked him (the horse) about several other names. Bart missed me when I didn't come by to kiss his velvety nose, and would talk to the other horses about me "you know that one girl? the one who calls us by other names but gives us kisses?" "No, you're crazy, I only know MY girl who tried to talk to me (using clucks and clicks) but I don't quite get her..." We went to feed Bart one night and grabbed some hay from the stack at the end of the line where the Percherons stayed and one of the big golden giants whuffled at us "excuse me, that's OURS, would you please put it BACK?" so I handed him a handful and he JERKED it out of my hand...."THANK YOU that's GOOD but please put the other BACK"

I could actually go on and on about the horses and their conversations but Round Up was a week ago and I already have a NEW story to shared...

Hope you had a good weekend!

Is Labor Day Weekend already over????

2010-09-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

You can't even IMAGINE my surprise when I realized it's ROUND UP time here in my little corner of the world (http://pendletonroundup.com/) everyone in my universe was scurrying about getting tepee poles and checking their tepees then mending them...getting their regalia prepared for all of the parades and dancing and other activities that we Indians do during this Big Deal.

Because for myself, I was getting ready for Labor Day...our big weekend to go to Wellpinit Washington for our favorite stickgame of the year.

The trip up to Wellpinit was full of laughter and fun as well as amazing views. Our arrival at the grounds was met with joyous laughter and excitement. NOW we're ready to go play!!!!

Stickgame? It's an (American) Indian gambling game - a guessing game. There are two sets of "bones" one is marked and eleven sticks. The game is to acquire ALL of the sticks (each team starts out with five sticks and one has the "kick stick"). The "kick stick" is what determines who starts the game - two captains face each other with a set of the bones and guesses how the other one hides them. The one who guesses correctly first gets to start the game. Bets are placed by giving money to the captain...

Songs are sung to "distract" the opponent and these songs are melodious yet raucous; precise and yet so wild. You really have to hear them in order to understand their depth and fun.

The songs for this game are old and fun and amazing in so many ways. I don't know the meaning of all of them, but one of them is a "Prairie dog" song...as it's being sung, you can just imagine the prairie dog popping up from one hole and then another as it teases and tricks it's opponent. As you can see the games are big with a LOT of money staked by each team (it's a double or nothing bet).

One of the concepts about stickgame that I love so much is that here we are, hundreds of people gathered to play together. We came from all different tribes, sat down next to each other full knowing we'd never met and maybe will not see each other again, yet in unity, we lift our voices together...in unity, we laugh and cheer when the bones are on our side and we win as a team another stick, in unity, we happily collect our money when the game's over and move on to the next game...and yet in two weeks, we may sit across the table from one another and look at each other suspiciously over a water rights issue or a fishing issue or who can get more funds for diabetes...but for TODAY, we're in unity.

The gentleman and his family from this motorhome had a dinner and invited us to eat with them. What hospitality!

My friend got to see her sister whom she hadn't seen in months and months! It was a happy reunion for them.

It was a beautiful trip but we were SO ready for home when we left:-)

headed home!

here comes change!!!!

2010-09-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

It's not hellatiously hot outside...oh, don't get me wrong, when it heats up it's still a force to be reckoned with! I'm just sayin'

Driving home from work the smell of pea harvest has morphed into the rich warm scent of wheat being threshed and pouring like liquid gold into awaiting trucks. The pheasants don't take this too well, they can be heard clucking and yelling "GET OUT, this is MINE" in their raucous pheasant voices.

I love change. It's something I don't believe I embraced until age began "curling my edges" if you will...I no longer cling to the idea of running up river at the slightest view of the sun...I run headlong into the cacophony of color as the leaves change and a new season opens the door to adventures untouched.

Now the scent of berries wafts throughout the community as busy mamas are canning their jams and jellies and preparing for the upcoming winter.

In our home we have another change - our dogs aren't very pleased with this but we now have a cat. His name is Lulx which is the Nez Perce word for coffee - silly name for a cat, but he's the color of coffee with canned milk added...he tends to tease the dogs, for the advent of his arrival was an assignment - he is here to dissuade those pesky mice from settling in for the winter. This means his domain is the INSIDE and all dogs are kept OUTSIDE...it's funny really, they didn't mind being "outside dogs" until he arrived.

Lulx

Change of season means time to sew as well...I made new wing dresses for ceremonies and also for men, a set of leggings and hider for a naming. I have more namings (the giving/receiving of an Indian name - a ceremony done differently in different tribes probably) to work towards. I love working on these projects because I thoroughly enjoy running my hands over the colorful fabrics chosen by someone for their new dress and the sound of my sewing machine is soothing as I sew through these projects for people I love. Especially though, I have to say my favorite part of it is just the colors...to me they speak so much of the person who chose them.

All in all I'm excited about the changes of THIS season...

scraps...

2010-08-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

Looking through scraps of fabric as I was cleaning my sewing table, I realized that if I should die today and not get to go home first, people would know these things about me:

I start many projects and you many not ever know how many I actually complete.
Someone I sew for loves, and I don't say this lightly, LOVES Snoopy
I rarely make things for myself, more often than not, my sewing projects are brother/son related.
Not only do I love to sew, but I love all things colorful and/or sparkly...beads, yarn, threads, ribbon, shells, fabric, pens (I don't know why, it's difficult for me to pass up a set of colorful markers in the office supply store), fabric glue (does it stick better if it matches the color of fabric I'm gluing? Probably not), sewing thingies...did I say thingies? I don't know, I have a protractor, several rulers, a yardstick, some measuring tapes, a compass, a flat cutting out thing that I've never used, all in many colorful hues.

What does this say about my character? I don't know, but I'm headed home to sew this afternoon - of course it's a last minute project which I've had ample time to complete but didn't and it has to be done by tomorrow and these are my thoughts - I just have to say it, I didn't actually mention Paw Lee or Princess Phat ONE TIME in this blog...until the very end.

going to the city...

2010-08-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday started out with the regular "what shall we do with THIS fine day" anticipation. My brother and I had tossed a few ideas around but for the moment, we were getting ready to go volunteer at a tribal event we'd signed up for.

I saw my phone light up and heard the text sound on it but ignored it because we were getting ready to go out the door. A few more preparations for the day and then I picked up my phone and looked at it...the text was from my son D who was going to have to have emergency surgery...you know that sound you hear from afar off when you see a huge explosion? That kind of muffled "PUFF" sound and then you see the clouds? That's the sound in our home...we looked at each other and my brother said "we're going to PDX" and everything changed.

All of our preparations for the volunteering ended and we suddenly shifted into high gear - gotta get to the city...out the door we went. With good byes from Paw Lee and Princess of course.

The drive to the city was, as usual, interesting...

We picked up a hitchhiker about a third of the way. Now, be advised, we rarely pick up hitchhikers, usually only if they're someone we know and going somewhere we go...this young man looked different from the others, he had a sort of harried look as if he wasn't sure about this whole venture he was about to embark on so we picked him up...

We chatted with him from time to time but for the most part all of us were pretty much in our own thoughts for the rest of the three hour drive. We dropped him off with a good luck handshake and off to see my son.

When we got to the hospital he'd already come out of surgery, was in recovery and seemed to be doing fine. He was fairly opiated (grin) and spoke with that gravelly flat tone of someone who's just not quite in the room with you:-) As soon as we saw him and determined he was okay, we both (my brother and I) did a miniature "fall apart" I got all shaky like when you have low blood sugar (oh oops we'd forgotten to eat all day!) so we went and ate at the hospital cafeteria. We visited with him a little more, and then went to the OTHER kids home.

It's exhausting to have such a major blast to one's emotions...hearing the words "emergency surgery" from afar off and the full three hours of not quite knowing what to expect...this is the same son who went to Iraq and by gum I'm about done with getting all my grey hairs from him!!!! We gave short thought to "going out" after finding that son D was okay and went to hang out with son L and daughter J...grand-daughter entertained us and we gradually sank into our chairs...ahhhhhh relaxing! We got thirsty and headed to the store for a quick shopping...on our way there we were accosted by not one, or two but four different emergency response vehicles...ambulances, cops, firetrucks...sirens blaring, lights flashing...when we got to the store we were met by a bent over woman with stringy hair and poorly cared for teeth muttering to herself, she paused for a moment as we went by, looked up at us through her hair and then continued muttering to herself looking back at us balefully as if we'd had our nerve entering her universe without permission! We did our shopping and as we pulled out of the parking lot MORE lights and sirens, and as we took off got a call from son D who as it turns out was getting out the hospital and we got "I thought you guys were staying with MEEEEE" so we went back to L and J's house, gathered our belongings and took off back to D's...for actually, it was he who had gotten us to Portland anyway... kisses goodbye and out into the brazen, brassy city night.

Back to son D's house for late night snacks, settling him in and then trying to get comfortable on their sleeper sofa...failed. Moved up to their room where they kindly offered to have us sleep on their bed...OMG I hate getting old!!!!! Couldn't get comfortable, finally slept thanks to my brother generously making ANOTHER run to the store for some benadryl...

Woke up to a phone call from son L who was appalled to awaken and find us gone...tell you the truth, he's gotten spoiled into us taking him to breakfast by himself on Sunday mornings, daughter's usually got plans so it's just him and we take him for breakfast...we DRAG ourselves out of bed and go get him, take him to said breakfast and ahhhhhhhh FINALLY time to get out of the city!!!!!

I used to love the city...indeed when I'm in the mood I enjoy it from time to time but this time the noise was jarring, the people were odd, we got stared at when taking son L to breakfast...I realize now, we were probably quite the sight to see, myself, not showered albeit in clean clothes...looking probably pretty tired and crazy, my brother, long hair braided but still bushy, unshaven two days worth, my son, 6'4" and tattoos from his neck to the ends of his arms...okay, I'll give the city that one...

Heading home...we were tired but happy - son D was okay and we'd gotten to kiss and cuddle with baby Nellie...etc...did some shopping and finally got home to our little house on the prairie - daughter M had fixed us a delicious deer steak dinner and we could hear the coyotes yipping outside in the wheat scented night...

taking the go...

2010-08-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

so my car's been sick for quite some time, something like three months. first time she was sick, some mice made the unfortunate choice of making their home somewhere under her hat (my car's name is Bonnie by the way, she LOVES it when you sing to her - my BONNIE lies over the oceannnn, my BONNIE lies over the seaaaaa), then when we started her back up again, the stench was horrific...I tried to mask with all sorts of natural remedies, nay even Indian sounding things such as rose petals in her vents...sage picked at the first morning's light, even eagle feather shaped smellies bought at a pow wow...NOTHING, we had to bring her to the hospital (the shop) and have this CHEMICALLY removed from her....we called it cosmetic surgery and she preens from time to time if you mention it...pause for a moment to imagine a 1992 bonneville "preening"...

So, Bonnie went for awhile, faithfully trudging to and from work, occasionally venturing as far away as the next town to go for supplies but faithfully going...until one day she decided not to any more...now, she may whimper and say we pushed her too far but PLEASE...this is the REZ!!!!!

Bonnie's been parked on the carport at the Little House on the Prairie now for quite some time and has become the object of protective affection by the two LHOP dogs Princess Phat and Paw Lee Wawg and their guests Lop Ears and Shy Girl (funny, Lop Ears thinks her name is something like Austeen and shy girl is something else...) pictured to your right is Shy Girl.

So finally the day arrived when the ambulance came to take Bonnie to the hospital - also known as Riverside Automotive...the driver pulls up and my brother came out to greet him and give him the necessary instruction.

Paw Lee reached my brother first. He jumped up and yelled at my brother "MR MAN DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY'RE DOING THEY THINK THEY'RE TAKING BONNIE SOMEWHERE IN THAT GREAT BIG GO THAT'S NOT IN THE PLANS IS IT MR MAN? DID YOU KNOW THAT LOP EAR JUMPED ON THE GARBAGE CAN AND DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH A GO MR MAN? I'M HUNGRY AND PRINCESS PHAT KEEPS PIDDLIN ON STUFF" My brother of course put Paw Lee down and said "get the *(&!!! down Paw Lee!!!" Paw Lee didn't hear that though, he heard "thank you Paw Lee for your wise and insightful comments"

Shy Girl didn't bother with Mr. Man, nay, she went straight to the source "I don't think you should be taking Bonnie anywhere in your big stupid go...it's not on the books and I don't believe that my goddess of glory has deemed it to be so" (Shy Girl's goddess of glory is my daughter who at the time is staying with us) She further inspected the driver of the go (I don't know, dogs just call cars and trucks GO...it seems a simple solution don't you think? if humans did the same, I think all the fuss over having a new one or the latest one would be far less intense)

Princess Phat walked around in a worried circle of pacing and kept saying to Bonnie "you'll be okay, they'll take you to the hospital and probably give you glorious snacks of pannacakes and that yummie green gushy stuff it will be FUN"

Bonnie was starting to sniffle a little, she's been sick for so long that now she's starting to wonder about her purpose on this earth and now THIS?

The tow truck driver cleared up the details with my brother and loaded up Bonnie who out and out sobbed as she was being hoisted up but wait "ohhhh that chain TICKLES" she was heard giggling "OMG stop it! that TICKLES!" her tears forgotten, she waved at all the dogs as she left, "it's FUN, come ON, it's FUN!!!!!"

The dogs all looked at each other and smiled but they still believe that nothing good can come from a big go taking the small go...

Princess was still worried and again tried to convnice Mr. Man that something should have been done to save Bonnie...

It was the topic of excited conversation for the entire two days (or however long an evening is in dog time). The murmur of their voices could be heard long into the evening even though it was windy and the clouds were swirling around...they all looked at each other and nodded "yeah. see what happens when people just come around and take the go!" The sky looked ominous but you and I know that only good can come of having the second car repaired!

deliciously yellow

2010-08-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

At my tribe I'm one of those women known as "Gatherers and Cooks" it's almost like a job, really, when there's a funeral and we're called upon to do so, we provide meals and what comfort we have to offer to the grieving family...that's part of the cooking...

Each season brings out "New Foods" these are celebrated and sung for...thanks is given and we don't individually gather these foods until they're "brought out" first in the longhouse. This coming Sunday is going to be Huckleberry Feast - my favorite.

That's another story altogether and believe me, I'll share it.

Another staple is dried corn. Our foods were dried and cached during the winter months. Someone would be assigned to go to the cache when stores were low. Some people still know sites of old family caches...

Last week I had the honor to be invited to go to Kotsa Vina's house. Kotsa Vina is a beautiful grandma, the mother of my close friend and sister T. I was so excited to go there, I love these two and spending time with them was a blessing I was looking forward to, but spending time with them while learning a new food practice was over the top!!!!

We got there and Vina handed out aprons to us all. First, time to shuck the corn then she blanched it.

It was brought out on the cob and our next chore was to cut it from the cob.

One of my favorite qualities of Vina is that she's just full of rich stories and each story has a meaning. Her instructions are always gentle and she explains why things are done, I've never seen her crabby or in any way unpleasant...

Once the corn is cut from the cobs it's ready to spread out on tables in the sun for drying.

It was an amazing day and I'm so thankful to have gotten to participate in it!!!

Gary and his new family...

2010-08-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

I will start with some kudos and thanks - thank you Caffeinated Globe (Asia) for mentioning me in your "refreshing luncheon" blog! http://caffeinatedglobe.blogspot.com/

Kudos - Fiona Designs, how refreshing! I stopped by just for a visit and stayed http://fionadesigns.blogspot.com/

For Charlie - I am grateful, wisdom and laughter and a moment of pause always await me there:
http://thefirstbookoftesticles.blogspot.com/

My good friend H...it's like we KNOW each other and yet...
http://thewondersofalice.blogspot.com/

ahhhh it's been a busy summer! I was blest last week by a surprise visit from sons #2 & #3 which of course included son 2's daughters Auttie Dootie and Izzy Bizzy, and son 3's daughter Kyla Berry...L got stuck here in P-town so martyrs that we are, my brother and I kept him and drove him home on Friday night...

A fun time was had by all

Along the Columbia Gorge....mmmmm! I can almost TASTE that beauty!

Princess and Paw Lee had to stop by of course My darling Kyla Berry...in her beautiful suit of birth:-)

The infamous Nellie Bellie graces us with her smile

Well, those are some of the pictures from the weekend, what I'm REALLY here to talk about though is Gary and his progress.

Gary has been feeling a little under the weather. I've been busy of course, and he tried to tough it out but there it is, living creatures must be cared for!

Gary, a little under the weather in his new digs

Peppermint Patty has moved in

Stravinia and Sondheim Sage

It's been a busy and GROWING summer

minding my own business!

2010-07-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

do you have ANY idea how hard this is? oh yes, I'm sure you do:-)

thing is, takin' a look around me, I see my lovely grapefruit plant Gary - he blithely soaks up the sun and goes about his daily growing chores with nary a glance around the room to see that less fortunate sunflower seeds have fallen to the wayside...nay, Paw Lee trots about on his quarterly checking of the the perimeters without a thought as to whether Princess Phat is about doing her mouse hunting...the world at large teaches us that if we actually DO mind our own business and quit worrying about everyone else's things will not only keep going, but with much more ease and less havoc!

thus. today my declaration is that I will do my best to mind my own business TODAY...

HOME AGAIN!!!!!

2010-07-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

FIRST of all, I'd like to thank Gabrielle at http://music-and-the-lyrics-of-life.blogspot.com/ for the nice award she gave me...I saved it to my travel laptop and this is my home laptop so I can't find it BUT in her honor:-)

Musical cupcakes!

Well this whole last week has been the ever elusive week of learning and rediscovery and delicious relaxation and a meeting.

We (my brother and I) left for southern Oregon first stopping in PDX to see the grandbabies. The drive down was just full of stunning scenery and raucous laughter.

A lot of you know the story, I was adopted into a family there at the age of 4 and so on and so forth but let's just say visits to this town have always been met with some trepidations and a lot of aching memories.

FINALLY the end! My sister emailed me when she heard I was going to be there and asked if we were going to be able to go down there for a visit. I asked my brother and he said yeah, we could...

Monday after first attending a meeting off we went:

My childhood home was just as I remembered it and it was just so warming to bring my brother, significant of my new and joyous life to see those things of my childhood that were GOOD things...

this is the back yard

this is the black walnut in our back yard

my sister's dog Lucy

my sister made us some berry cobbler from berries picked at our home and HOMEMADE ICE CREAM

going to keep the good memories from this home....

afterwards we went to the beach:-) this beach has a nickname I gave it once during the 70's and apparently that name still holds... I didn't know my brother took this picture but as I was watching this young boy play in the water I wanted SO BAD to get in too!!!!

so I DID!!!!

an unforgettable day...

worth a thousand words...

2010-07-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

I JUST REALLY WANT TO TAKE A NAP TODAY!!!!!

Pro CHOICE

2010-07-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

ahaha I chuckle at the title of today's post - why? I have personal beliefs on this and for what it's worth they're nothing to DO with have or do not have an abortion - BUT

Today is one of those days when all of the sad things seem to pile up at your door and burst through like so many dirty clothes you should have washed over the weekend...know what I mean? Nothing concrete, just a thought here, a look there, a missed phone call and perhaps that text from your daughter you were excited to see but when you opened there was nothing more than "could you send me some money." So I did, I'll admit it right here and now, I started to sit back into the comfortable hollow of ill-feelings and sad stories...I took along for my drink a bitter cup of forgotten woes and hot scalding memories...as I melted into this overstuffed, over-rated feast of fetid fetters the thought, tiny and ringing just lightly like a fairy bell in a thunderstorm "you have a choice." I sat up...

WHAT?

YOU HAVE A CHOICE - louder I heard it and ohhhhhh okayyyyy...

At that opportune moment my good friends and coworkers brought to me a much better beverage - Passion Tea

Appropos isn't it? Passion Tea at the very moment I was sinking into the apathetic womb? THANK YOU MY FRIENDS!!!!

Next an email from my "older sister" across the way...she asked me the simplest question and then she ended with "or would you like me to bring them to you my little sister chickadee??"

now THAT brought the smile back to my face - aha! someone DOES value my existence!

and so the choice was made: TODAY IS A GOOD DAY...the world is a shining beacon of hope for amazingness to happen...

I hope you have a good day TOO!

a relaxing weekend

2010-07-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

it's been a good weekend...there was a pow wow at our little casino but neither one of us could really get in the mood and that's **different**...

I've been making a belt bag for my niece, here's the deal - I was given a basket of yarns and hooks when one of my cousins (sisters) passed on; when the giveaway happened my sister W brought it over and dropped it in my lap with a big smile. I asked what's this and she said "YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MAKES STUFF!" So there it is...

The bag you see to your left is crocheted from some of that yarn...it's actually not yarn, it's some kind of like doily thread or something...I don't do doilies, so this was the next best thing. This is worn on the belt when dressed in wingdress; I always put beads and jingles on my gifts, just can't seem to help it...this one will make a nice ringing sound as the one who wears it dances in the longhouse...

It's yellow to depict what we call "the Light" something we sing for and work towards in our daily lives; I dont't think I can say TOO much here because these are our traditional ways passed down from our grandmas...the fringe is done in reds-to yellow and to me this is to help my niece with power for strength and healing and wisdom. There are twelve fringes - these are twelve songs...in one of our services we do one set of twelve songs...in others we do three sets of seven...

a note about the dancing: we call it dancing, it's also called "jump dancing" and/or "jumping" but the bottom line is, the meaning of it and what makes it so awesome to ME is that it's symbolic of "beating down a path for your way." Older women don't dance, we kind of walk along in rhythm to the music but this Sunday my brother and I went to the longhouse - I was first in line when we went out to dance (the cooks often go out on the last three song)...I noticed with a smile that even though we were ALL walking our footsteps made a beautiful pattern in the "wash" (another day we'll talk about that). Another note on being first in the line...smile...this meant I was the oldest one in the kitchen on Sunday.

In this picture, another niece opens cans of appleasauce for Sunday dinner. She's a hard worker and has learned so quickly.

She always greets me with a hug and just seeing her makes me light up.

Here's the other bag I've been working on for OH so long. it's woven and will be worn with a traditional regalia set - it's woven for an older friend of mine - I used the multi-color "mountains" because of her years I know she's seen many ups and downs. I used the vine at the bottom to signify there is always growth happening and she is always green and beautiful...there are other meanings but they are more personal and I won't share them here. My brother helped by doing the fringing and finish work.

It was a very relaxing and weekend

stickgames and cast-off queen's shoes...

2010-07-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

Friday (June 11) was a holiday - oh, the banks didn't close, no fanfare or marching bands but for those in MY world, it was a day to observe our 1855 Treaty signing...I've read the "Treaty Minutes" I wish you could but the hours and long long hours of discussion were capsulated in a five page document. I'm utterly astounded at the forward thinking albeit simplistically expressed processes of my great greats. They pondered the future and drew from the past.

At any rate, our holiday was for this reason...we had made plans to head to the Big City of Bright Lights and Glorious Smells (Portland as told by Bella Donna, my son's dog) but as discussion went we found ourselves hankering more for some egregious stickgaming rather than washing ourselves in the fount of nefarious fun...

Before we actually take off I should give you a short run down of what went on between Princess Phat and Paw Lee Wawg...Paw Lee: "they're getting ready to get into The Go" Princess, "I'm hungry, hey there's that one bird, they're doing WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO" Paw Lee: "I told you and this time they're NEVER coming back" Princess "NOOOOOOOOOOO sniff sniff" Paw Lee "ahhh I was just jokin, quitcher cryin'" Princess: "anyways, that bird was tellin me that sometimes she sees them millions of miles away almost to the stars (of COURSE the bird sees further than the dogs)...Paw Lee (sulking) "well, they are. look, now they're putting those ONE things into the go (our chairs) and then they're going to start singing (silly dogs don't know it's not US when the car turns on and the radio starts)...Off to White Swan!

These flowers were outside a little asian restaurant we ate at on the way...they were just BEGGING to have their picture taken! So of course, I obliged.

...here it is almost a MONTH later and I found this draft - the reason I want to finish it is this: we went to the stickgames, sang some AWESOME songs, learned a new power song from Shalaya (I put her name in because it's just so beautiful) and had a grand time.

The day after we stickgamed, we went to town to do what my brother called "ol' ladyin'" which means browsing through thrift stores and stopping by the occasional garage sale. During this particular day I stumbled across what must have been an actual Drag Queen Shoe Heaven...glorious sparkly mega heels in size 15 - they were awesome in their brilliance and splendor, I imagined a lovely tall Queen gracefully sweeping into the club on them - ohhhhh what FUNNNNN!

Okay the rest of the story is dim I just wanted to share that part.

dance of survival

2010-07-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

i love being an Indian woman...
within me rings the bell in ever melodic richness
laughter bubbles from my depths
the strength of my grandmothers echoing there
stories weave through and light from Creator
finds its way in baskets and bags
and jewelry

i love to go out and gather
feeling the cool gift of green strength against my fingers
even the playful stick of Rose as I gather for cleansing...

my digger clinks against rocks as I dig

deep for the fat delicious roots

singing, I give thanks for such bounty

and in singing gathering continues

when it's time to cook together

the kitchen buzzes with energy - we all have our tasks

as though dancing a familiar and beloved step

we flow from one task to the next

laughter echos from one room to the next

and rich homey smells waft towards the outside door

invitation...

fervent belief edged in raucous humor
i've learned from my elders beloved and revered
grandmas and aunties-beautiful, strong and wise
with their lessons learned in quiet pain...
no vain suffering their dance of survival still tickles my feet
and behind them i follow in humble
yearning
will i be like you when i grow up?

One never knows when one might need a favor from a rose!

2010-06-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

ahhhhh! a relaxing weekend - no real plans...just take off westward and see what happens!

the sun went before us and sang for our way...course the bugs on the windshield didn't hinder the song...

We were both so tired, our days have been full and strong and left us depleted of all but the last flickering light

laughter filled our car though, as we drove towards the city...memories and stories it was like we hadn't had a chance to "catch up" in a long time although living in the same house...

Arrived at daughter's home fairly late...she was off enjoying her Friday, son waited up to entertain then when we drifted towards the guest room he took off on HIS friday...we thought it sweet that he stayed behind for so long

Almost as soon as we awoke we were ready to go. Where? No plans - again, just hop in the car and enjoy the beautiful sunlit day!

FIRST on the agenda though, give our faithful steed a bath! He reveled in the soapy water on his glassy face...sparkly and cheerful onward we went:-)

this delightfully colored wild rose asked to have her picture taken...of course I obliged for one never knows when one might need a favor from a rose!

Ahhhhh coastward we went! We stopped by as we do annually to pay our respects to my dearest friend "Bratty" whom I had loved deeply and who left this world far too young...we brought her the customary shiny gift and also paid our respects to K___ the friend of my sons.

I began to feel that sense of anticipation, you know the one...like something amazing is around the corner and somehow it smells green and fresh like ferns and berry bushes?

MMMM! Smell it?

Soooo finally we arrived at the coast...the first salty scent made me laugh out loud - really:-) and my brother looked at me and said "what?" and I said "uhhh, just this" and we chuckled because he knew exactly what I meant.

First we went and gambled a little...for surely you know we are Indians...and Indians gamble...or so we're told. We had fun, didn't come out ahead but had fun...

We wanted to go to the beach and the casino we went to has a path that leads down some stairs to a beach but my knees were giving me problems so I asked my brother if we could go down the highway to a beach I knew of that was right near the road. Off we went...when we got there, SERENDIPITY:

IT WAS KITE FESTIVAL DAY!!!!!

It was such a fun day...ended with ice cream and classic cars

Drove back to the city where we finished the night by visiting with "the girls" and I got a pedicure AND got to play "fingernail polich" which topped off a perfect day

Sometimes I forget my age and just go with my love of color and sparkle...H___, I think you in particular would enjoy THESE fingernails!

Sunday morning arrived and off we went towards home, stopped and visited D along with the fam, and by NOON we were headed back eastward!

Crossing bridges going home and here we were...no mare tired, we felt invigorated and rested...not stressed, we felt relaxed and joyous...not empty, we were filled with the awesomeness offered to us and received with gratefulness and smiles...

THANK YOU!!!!!!

these beads

2010-06-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

these beads
sparkling stories told yesterday
graceful dance with songs sung
strong
not all see
nor will be seen
but these beads know
and will tell through the dream
ever shining and rich with colour
dangling long on the tiny girl
...maybe shorter on a tall young man
beads and bells, shells and bone
these mean so much more than simple adornment
stories and songs - woven discernment
look through the colors at the stories told
listen through bells ringings at strength
mmmm yes these beads
sparkling like water
crafted with skill and given in love...
for dancing...

for smiles...

2010-06-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie....'You know how I work....You have three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy.... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.

OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink..'

**POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.

And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached

company

2010-06-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

two of my darling offspring, two of THEIR offspring and my lovely daughter in law just spent some time here...oh how i love that they call our little house on the prairie "home" and i have to pause and give thanks for the many friends of the past who with smiles and hugs greeted my family of six to their homes, fed and kept us and then sent us on our way - i shudder actually, in embarrassment for now i know that my children must have left a wake of disaster behind us that i was blithely unaware of...

this morning after they left for the city at the ungodly hour of 6:00 AM i walked around the house....beads from my projects strewn joyously about on the table - oh what a wonder of color that must have been for the little ones...

pans piled high in my sink - why? because my daughter in law loves to cook for us when visiting and bless her heart, she hasn't mastered the fine art of preparing a delectable homecooked meal in ONE PAN, nay, she uses maybe 6 pans minimum for her preparations of love...

of course this visit included a tour of the new building i work in, this included the little first aid room and the girls had to take their temperature...i don't know, they just did:-)

i walked into my room to get ready for work and there in the middle of my floor was a pile of my purses:-) i had to smile because yesterday while the two granddaughters were playing Izzy Bizzy says to Nellie Bellie "hey NETTY, do you want to go to the Wonderful City?" she then put the paper towel tube trumpet to her mouth and announced "Nettie and Izzy are now going to the Wonderful City" how could i chastise such imagination? no worries that the Wonderful City was my room and all of the amazing jewels they found and draped themselves in were in my jewelry box...they thought themselves to have found The Answer with all my purses and even sampled some of my makeup.

even the dogs are tired...this morning as i finally left (after picking up said Wonderful City) Paw Lee sighed and mumbled to me "have a good day today." when i asked him what his plans are, he said "absolutely nothing, those two are HARD to entertain!" Paw Lee's cousins from the city had visited too, Bella Donna had shown up in her carriage and brought with her a new sister Stacie. Stacie was pretty shy by the way, didn't talk much and Princess Phat thought she was rather stuffy...

all in all it was a wonderful visit but tonight i fully plan on pouring a nice glass of icy orange tea, sitting back and joining Paw Lee with his quest to DO NOTHING!

walking her out...

2010-06-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

You might think this is a sad story. It's not really, in fact when you add up the moments, it's a rich story full of memories and poignant moments. Thank you Atway Auntie for letting me be there.

Thursday we got word that our auntie wasn't doing so well, our niece said "I'm worried about Auntie Eileen she's just not looking good"

Friday morning I got a phone call that she had been taken to the ER in our little town and was enroute to a nearby larger town where she could get more detailed care...

Time goes in slow motion when you're in a hurry I think, we hurried to get over to Richland...when we got there, Auntie was groggy but seemed a little better, the doctors gave us the usual "oh we'll keep her overnight" which to my brother and I somehow seems to be the harbinger of doom. Everytime we've been told that our relative has passed away within a few days. We didn't want to appear doomsical (ohhhh duuuude I just made up a word!) so we didn't mention this to the other family members who were there, Auntie's son, our niece, another cousin, my brother and I...

We stayed with her for several hours and she seemed to be stirring around so we tried to make her more comfortable. We weren't too pleased with the nurse by the way, I do respect the work of nurses the world 'round, really, I do! Nurses have the thankless job of dealing with humanity at it's most base level, and they have the distasteful job of witnessing us at our most unappealing moments...humans are a messy business you know? Well this nurse was a crisp curt practical type, showed absolutely no visible hint of human kindness; we all communicated our dislike of her mannerisms to each other without uttering a word and wouldn't you know it? This bright little woman picked up on it and explained to a few of us that this wasn't her usual floor, she's usually an ICU nurse - ahhhhh! the light went on! ICU nurses aren't used to having to deal with patients that talk and respond. HELLO.I did commend our little nurse on her competence and focus and we went on from there.

Finally, we all kissed Auntie and said good night, we hugged each other and took the long drive home.

I went to work the next day, casually texting Son #2 to see how his mama faired through the night. "She's not doing well, she suffered cardiac arrest this morning at 5:00" OMG are you kidding me? I called my brother and we headed out to go back to the hospital.

We got there and to all intents and purposes we believed that our little Auntie had left us at 5:00 that morning. Oh, her body was functioning...all machines hooked up to continue the physical manifestation of being alive, but if you looked closely you could see she wasn't in there...the doctor came in to talk to us all and he shared the nuts and bolts of Auntie's condition and he said to us "she suffered cardiac arrest this morning, she was gone for twenty two minutes (TWENTY TWO MINUTES???? SHE IS GONE...) he went on to explain some more factors and shared what he was going to do to help her.

We visited with her one at a time, then my brother and cousin took a quick ride to go pick up "Son's" partner and then we heard it "Code blue ICU room ___" we all looked at each other and said "is that US?" Yes it was.

Those of us remaining all ran to her room, we wanted just one glimpse of her on this side I guess. The code team was working not at a feverish but at a competent consistent level, calling out doses of drugs to each other, and the other technical phrases one uses in such a case. My niece and I, although we were not able to sing fully began humming to Auntie...we knew the song we meant to sing, it just wouldn't come out - we stood there with tears streaming down our faces humming to her, we'd all told her it's okay, just go, and we looked at her other son standing there - do you want them to keep on? Finally they stopped...

We went up to her and continued to sing. Auntie's one son returned with my brother and we all gathered around her as her "light" went out. There's only one way to describe it...you could see the light leaving her kind of like a time lapse when you see the sun setting...I encouraged the sons and nieces and nephews to speak to her as she left, somehow I just know she could still hear them. They all said their "I love you's" and it was a moment I'll never forget.

EVER.

My brother lead us all in another song and we left her side to go gather in the waiting room.

Thank you Auntie for letting us walk you to the Gate.

idyllic sunday

2010-06-07T10:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a hectic few weeks fraught with too many emotions and situations to actually bother with here...however first things first, Gary is growing by leaps and bounds! He's about to outgrow his coffee cup and move into a roomier pot.

Although much of the day was spent indoors catching up on projects - for instance (SHUDDER) I did a TON of ironing I also took time throughout the day to give Paw Lee and Princess some much needed affection. As you can see they appreciated this to the depth of their sweet canine hearts.

You also may notice that although Princess has heretofore thought of herself as the "alpha bitch" she's now been trumped out of that station into that of "trying to get a word in edgewise"

Well after a restful day of cleaning, watching "girl" movies (clearly, as you know, I'm not a girl...I'm the grandma and mama, auntie and niece...but I do love me some bitchy girl movies from time to time:-)

At any rate, to set the story straight, I was crocheting a potholder set when our good nephew Robert pulled into our back yard. He's been talking about building a sweathouse out there and here he was to do so!!!!

Below, Uncle (my brother) and Robert (in the red) survey the site picked out for the sweat. Below, they've begun work on it and are deciding what to do next.

The branches are tied together and bent into the round shape then covered with blankets to make it airtight inside. The guys gathered a lot of blankets and rugs to do this job...Princess and Paw Lee ask if it's okay what they're doing because no one ran this project by them!

It was a beautiful day for this project, not hot, not raining...THANK YOU!!!

Sweat rocks gettin' ready!

All in all it was the most amazing perfect day...

Matty Rock Set GO!!!!!!

2010-05-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's been such a draining couple of months. I find myself exhausted ALL the time lately but last night I had the honor of watching my two oldest granddaughters for a few hours while their parents went off and did "grow up things" (Auttie Doo).

I had an epiphany based on an incident that happened in MY childhood: I was at home on Sunday while my family went to church because I was sick in some way - not desperately ill apparently but germy enough that my conscientious mother had me stay at home with my dad. Someone had given me a big bag of tiny colorful clothespins and I had been waiting and WAITING for the perfect chance to put them to use! My dad, none the wiser, let me string clothesline throughout the living room from chair to chair and couch to organ, to piano and then back to chair...I then drug out all...not some, ALL of my Barbie, Tammy and Chatty Cathy doll clothes as well as I'm pretty sure, my sister's Barbie clothes...I proceeded to "wash" them, then hang them ALL up to dry with my wonderful miniature clothes pins. My dad quietly read his magazine and the radio played in the background. I sat back on my heels quite pleased with the project. When my mom and sisters returned from church the scene went bad but that's not the point of this story.

As soon as my son and his fiance drove away I looked at the girls. It was raining outside and we don't use TV as the babysitter so I thought to myself now HOW am I going to entertain these lively beings? AHHHHHH!!! I said to Auttie Doo (the oldest), would you like to make a cave in your room? SHE LIT UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE - YES Grandma!!!!! I gave her some lawn chairs, my little table that sits by my couch, a couple blankets and said go make a cave...I heard happy screams as Auttie and Izzy went running to do their fun...Auttie came out of the room and asked for some phones (we let them play with our discarded cell phones and they think this is just IT) so I sent her to the drawer where they're kept...I then had an added epiphany and said to her that she could go into the cupboards and get some of my plastic bowls and so forth for the cave...she was SO delighted. I heard nothing but laughter and fun conversations for quite some time from their room...to top this off, I let her take my phone and take some pictures of her cave...

SUCCESS!!!!

Later last night Izzy was outside playing and she RAN into the house and asked her daddy to come outside and race with her. They did. Victorious and triumphant (Dad and Auttie Doo had let her win) she came running in and asked Mama to come out and race too...E went outside with her and raced then they all came in laughing...

E turned to me and said "you know why I lost don't you?" I didn't. She told me then that when Izzy counted off for race this is what she said "Matty! Rock! SET GO!!!!!" (she misunderstood when Auttie said ON YOUR MARK GET SET GO" because Auttie said it too fast)

E didn't go because she wasn't quite sure what Izzy meant.

Now she does:-)

rich like melted malted...

2010-05-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

for lack of a better title I borrowed from "throw mama from the train" thanks Mama!

ahhhh the weekend was exhausting but ohhhhh so rich!

My son is home from Iraq, most of our family gathered to welcome him home and to honor him accordingly as well as all the other veterans who took time to show up that day...a lot of talking and visiting...a little bit of joyous tears, many many stories being told and oh the beautiful SONGS that were sung!

My two daughters (yes, one of them is adopted) dressed in their finest...

Ummm I wonder when I told her she could have my beaded hair ties?

Silly Bella Donna thinks she can drive...

Even the dogs enjoyed the day!!!!

grow gary grow!

2010-05-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

I love that no matter what goes on in the world, seeds planted with love and tended to with dligence WILL GROW

healing

2010-05-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

big sigh...for now, mom's better, thank you for your kind words - they mean SO MUCH to me!

my two big sons visited this weekend:-) oldest is 28, next is 26...they took me to the river from whence I find great peace, strength and HEALING

bad knees and all, I couldn't resist

complicated...

2010-05-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile...and even as I write this, I'm wondering how to put the depth of the last few weeks into words.

In this world of my reservation we call our cousins as brother and sister...we're just that close. Maybe we fight from time to time but you know the deal - close ranks if an outsider tries to chime in.

My cousin passed away last week. She was such a human. The longhouse was filled from one end to the other with people mourning her passing but celebrating her life. She was a giver, a smiler, a tough truth speaker...it was a rich and eloquent few days.

My mom is extremely sick, was doing quite well but on routine checkup found that cancer had again decided to show her who's boss...so there's that, then if that wasn't enough her congestive heart failure (for those of you who may not know, this, as it turns out, is a CHRONIC condition...) reared its ugly head and has ravaged her breathing capacity...one thing after another and she's been laid up for several weeks now...

I've shared my story before, how as a young girl I was adopted out to non-Indians as we call them...I was raised in an unhappy abusive home albeit quite comfortable in some ways...finally at the age of 21 I met my biological family and have been for 31 years building a new "home" in my heart.

This didn't include my mom for as it turns out, we didn't bond immediately, actually, we may never do so, but when I look at her life I'm grateful for the sacrifices she made for we eleven of her offspring...it couldn't have been easy.

My brother and son don't actually believe she'll get to come home this time so I find myself wanting to do small things for her...she understands I think that we're at that point in our lives where we must let bygones be bygones and look into eternity.

amazing life...

2010-04-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

I've been away on business for about a week...it's been rich and full - I don't have time to expound but I DO have a bunch of pictures - hope you all enjoy!!!

first and foremost, Gary is GROWING!

Princess Phat and Pauleewaug sent us on our way...Princess was a bit worried and Paulee was sulking...

The river welcomes us as we head west

you can almost hear them, right? the frog chorus?

Rustic buildings in Canyonville Oregon where we went for our bigger meeting later

A cute little bridge...you can't see them but there were a few wild turkeys in the field above and wouldn't you know it? They were DANCING

We did do some actual work, above are some of the board members and directly above is my best friend forever Elaine...she wasn't happy that I took her picture though...

stopped to see the grandbabies on the way home - above are the youngest and the oldest of them

a spot of color...I interrupted a bee taking this picture, he backed out and said "ahem, Miss, in case you didn't notice I was BZZZY in there"

It was a busy, full, amazing trip - I was tired when I got home and ate some frozen lemonade nicknamed by my oldest grand-daughter - "Lemolaides for Grandma"

Gary is GROWING!!!!!

2010-04-15T13:38:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot to share other than that. I think it's indicative of how we live...get some sunshine and good water, we grow happily...

I'm headed out on travel this weekend and the early part of next week. I hope you all have rich and full weekends of delightful treats and moments of splendid peace!

glorious moments crashing...

2010-04-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

ugliness i will not partake

from glorious moments of the past

to hear shattered visions by lurdane rhetoric?

no, not i...

first but to scoff and toss the hair

and then to ponder

is this my heart unaware?

i soared through the

new blossoms of wisdom - wispy tendrils of growth

songs sprang from the deep

i heard them, the quiet whispers of callous vacuity

oh please is this my truth of identity?

breaking through the insignificance...this is my hope

what i believe to be true is the songs that i sing

and from my heart these songs

will fill with fire

burning away the selfish chaff and numbing fear

i will stand and i will not wallow

in ugliness...

Now the tears????

2010-04-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

Here's my conundrum for the day: For the past few years my son has served in Iraq...Operation Freedom I believe it's called. When sending him off I had the same sadness and fear any mother would have. When I heard about his sorrows over there, the loss of his best friend, the troubles with a neighboring battalion, my mother-hen wanted to go charging over to Iraq and make things right.

For the past years I've been smiling and nodding when asked about him "oh yes, he's in Iraq..."

Today I got the news that he's on a flight back home...he's in a plane on his way and will soon arrive in Washington State where he will "demobilize" for an unstipulated amount of time...

I can't stop crying.

I don't know why - it's the silliest thing, really - because now, he's safe and I will soon be able to hug him...and NOW the tears?

WHO WROTE THESE RULES?????

PauleeWaug and Princess Phat

2010-04-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

So I was watching the dogs on Sunday afternoon and here's what I think their day looks like:

Sleep for awhile - maybe a week - then wake up and make rounds. During rounds, it's pretty important to swing by and check on the Huge Cannister of Delightful Aromatics (garbage can) and perhaps pick up little ends and pieces which may have fallen from it. They look at each other triumphantly and smile just KNOWING how thankful The Humans will be for their thoughtfulness.

While on rounds it's also very important to bark very loudly at that bossy bird because this too, makes the humans happy - they often will be so pleased they may open the Gate to Splendid Moments of Luxurious Softness (inside the house where one might get to sleep on the carpet) and shout affirmative and affectionate euphemisms at you "would you SHUT the *()&* UP before I come out there and SMACK the $#@$# out of you!!!!" and other such amusing shoutings.

After having made the morning round it's very important to throw yourself dramatically down by the open screen door next to your dog dish. This is a polite way of telling your Human that you not only are exhausted from the Awesomeness of Dogdom but that you too are in need of sustenance.

While awaiting the delectable meal you no doubt deserve, it's now a good time to catch a quick power nap...one must never confuse the power nap with the utterly horrific and incorrectly entitled "catnap" for that is another story altogether!

Pop! CRACK!!! WHIZZZZ!!!! Somebody has rudely awakened them. They leap to their feet, Paulee looks at Princess, he just KNOWS she's up to no good. They look around and to their utter astonishment, somewhere out of NOWHERE has arrived a 'Nother Go (our nephew Hobert drove his big truck onto the field - and vehicles as we all know are called GO by dogs). Oh for pete's sake, there goes THAT nap! FINE! They sigh and jump up looking all ready to rumble. Oh, hey, FOOD!!!

Commence the happy dance and before you know it? The sun is setting! Time go go carousing and rustle up some good times with the coyotes and maybe play catch with that garter snake up the road!

...well at least that's how I see their day going...
:-)

weekend dinner at moms...

2010-04-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

it was amazing and fun and full of laughter today. I'm full and SLEEPY:-)

kids and grownups alike had a good time

Happy Friday!!!

2010-04-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

I love this little seedling - it's a grapefruit plant raised from one of my many evenings snacking on luscious juicy citrusy grapefruits. His name is Gary, and we both hope you have an amazing weekend full of relaxation and rest as well as zesty fun and fellowship!

a story...

2010-04-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

I read a story the other day and it's been stuck in my head so I'm going to share it, this story is not mine, I take NO credit for it, it's a historical depiction of the naming of a creek in my neighborhood:

"Many long years ago, well before we American Indians were fighting for our little plots of land from foreigners, there were other battles being waged between tribes. These battles were not only for plots of land, but for resources and dignity.

One particular battle had been going on many years between two tribes and during the siege, these two elder women were working together in one of their homes - they were preparing roots for storage and this was quite an undertaking, these roots had to be ground and dried and prepared for storage - during the winter, they would be prepared as mush, delicious hot mush wafting through the home bringing warmth from the bitter cold outside.

As they were working together, chatting about the latest style of moccasins (chuckle) or perhaps the newest weaving pattern one of them noticed one of the enemy tribe's men through the wall of her home. Her eyes were sharp for he was well hidden and it was only the glint of firelight from his eyes that drew her attention to him. She continued working and began to tell the other woman - without changing her tone of voice or even glancing in his direction - "keep on working and then begin to act angry like we're fighting, there's an enemy behind that wall, take some of these roots we're drying and let's cook them as if for dinner."

They continued working and the first woman said "sister, we'll make an angry sign at each other until we almost attack and finally he'll come in and we'll feign attacking each other with this mush, and you also will threaten me with your pestle; You be careful little sister!"

They quarreled and almost jumped at each other, and the enemy crept in through the wall, almost his whole head was in the room now. "Sister, he's coming in now, don't look at him, only look at me, I'm about to pour this mush on him Be careful! I'll pour it on him when I attack him and then you club him with your pestle!" Then then old woman stood up and they acted like they were going to strike at each other; they both turned at once and she poured the mush all over him. He lurched back and they killed him.

They escaped from their home to a nearby village and told the story to the villagers giving our a war cry. The White men now call that place "Squaw Creek" but it's true name is Iskuulpa Yuuwewi."

One of our teachings in my tribal longhouse is that if you know a story you should repeat it, thus, it becomes a part of you and lives on through having been told...these were brave women and their story SHOULD live on.

you're the kind of person who makes people hate indians...

2010-03-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

That's what my adopted mother used to tell me...of course it was the aftermath of some horrific crime I had committed, you know, as a 5 year old, perhaps I had spilled her buttons, as a 6 year old I remember some beratement occurring when I was playing "zoo animals" with Nedra and Deanie and I had run through the garage roaring like the lioness I wanted to be...

Today I was invited to our local hospital to bring some sense of balance between our tribal member patients and the care givers that work there. I opened with this story:

"I was adopted out at the age of four. I was raised by a family of non-Indians and was the only minority in my town until I was in seventh grade. My adopted mother was forward thinking and tried to find playmates for me, we lived way out in the sticks if you will...but you know how it is, we're not always friends with the duaghters of our mother's friends. To this day there's one name I hear and it makes me shudder!

It came time for me to go to first grade and I was OH so excited! New friends, classroom smells, it was so fun for me. I met a little girl and we bonded closely. We spent every recess, every lunch time together and worked together on projects when we could. Finally, she asked me to come over to her home for a sleepover, it was going to be so fun. On the day of the happy event I packed my little bag, got my permission slips for the bus driver, went to school and was met at the bus by my little friend.

ARE YOU INDIAN OR NEGRO? she asked me quite loudly...I replied, yes, I'm Umatilla Indian from Eastern Oregon (a response I'd learned from my adopted mother) and she quickly replied I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANY MORE I HATE ALL INDIANS AND NEGROS."

That's the story I opened with and as I watched the crowd there were some with tears in their eyes...I wasn't crushed or devasted I think...I didn't even realize until years later just how harsh that whole scenario was...but that's the kind of prejudice that my mother later spoke into my life when she would tell me "you're the kind of person who makes people hate Indians."

We all have the capability to be prejudiced. I remember one of my son's friends was talking to him and my son said something about "that black guy" and his friend responded "I don't see color." That's actually preposterous.

We are all made differently. Even those who share genes have their own unique fingerprints...the balance to this whole conundrum is this: If we look at these stories and are determined to love then it doesn't matter what the rest of the world is saying or doing. Today, I will love my fellow humans...TODAY I will look beyond what might be seen as a flaw and I will revel in the unique character of my sisters and brothers.

2010-03-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

Last week was busy...my daughter, daughter in law and three grand-daughters came to visit. It was a very amazing visit and when it was over - off to the city for JOLLIFICATIONS and maybe a new car:-)

We searched the city for "the" car...the right price, the right make, the right color - oh well, color didn't matter, but it started to look like we might go limping home in our beat up van...no brakes no shocks...on a whim we drove up this one street and there it was:-) waiting just for us. "THE" car! Cross THAT one off the shopping list...next? Get the brakes and shocks fixed on said van for truly, it has brought us many miles and we just can't NOT fix it...went to place number 1 and they gave us an ungodly amount to fix it...NOPE...off we went in search of another. Out of the mist loomed the SHOP where we took our van to be fixed and voila, within a couple hours we were off an runnin!

NOW for the fun...
Went shopping for a few odds and ends...out to Jantzen Beach which although it's getting more and more deserted, there still whirs cheerily away, the carousel...

Can you feel the breeze it kicks up?

What a fun ride that was to watch, these two adorable little girls were on it, they waved regally as they went around and when we waved back one of them was so excited she stood up on her horse! I smiled at her but motioned her to sit down.

After this, we went out to celebrate my daughter and son's birthdays (okay I don't know what to tell you, they're both born on March 26, but two different years...it's like they were supposed to be twins but Creator was well aware I didn't have the mad mama skittles it takes to raise multitples so one at a time....maybe? Anyway, I will tell you right now, the jollifications ensued with a deep and meaningful vengeance - from which we (my brother and I) awoke Sunday morning from with a little bit of chagrin....BUT not enough to stop with the shopping.

Off we went and as I wandered the aisles of one of my favorite "old lady" stores (that's what my brother calls thrift store shoppin - he says "let's go old lady around" and off we go) I came around the corner and there it was...the sewing machine of my childhood

the hobby horse lovingly made by someone's grandpa

and many other treasures...

When we finally went home Sunday after feeding the kids and of course...cleaning their home, it was with tired joy...

Did you have a good weekend too?

Have a good weekend!

2010-03-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

'member to pray for our sons and daughters currently active in the military...RIGHT OR WRONG they're serving our country, upholding standards laid before them by our nation's leaders and they aren't making fun plans for the weekend or wondering where they're going to hang out tonight...they're not deciding what to wear to go out in and they're certainly not worried about cleaning up dog poop in the yard...

i want to be royal ann!!!!!

2010-03-18T21:59:00.000-07:00

I was an imaginative child you might say...

When I was thinking about having some time on the computer to myself tonight I was wondering just what I might blog about. This is a crazy world we're in, there are tragedies to the left and right of us, I was astounded and somewhat confounded to find that the earthquakes had actually knocked the Earth off her axis. So in the midst of this pondering I realized there is a need for a chuckle every now and then...

As a child I was a girly girl...I tried not to admit this, because I was also a farm girl at home in the barn as well as playing with dolls but here's the truth, I loved nothing more than tying two of my mom's aprons around me and teetering about on her old high heels serving tea to the poor cat "Peter Nutley" and our Samoyed dog "Chemon" (pronounced Sha MAWN). They were quite patient me, especially Peter who allowed me to dress him in my doll clothes.

We lived about thirteen miles from town which isn't really THAT far except that it was a small town anyway and this was the 60's...no one really went anywhere unless they NEEDED to...my mom was the model homemaker and I am not stretching ANY imagination in that sentence...I never even TASTED store bought milk or canned fruits until well into my late teens. My mom would go the Santiam valley each harvest season and come back with our van laden with many fruits for canning (I still hate to can). One summer I overheard her talking to my Aunt Dorothy about how juicy the Royal Anns were this year. This piqued my young mind, I pictured a gracefully dressed princess lounging on a flowered divan...

I had some friends over FINALLY one summer, Twila and her sister ...hm, can't remember her sister's name Anyway, fortunately for me, Twila was also a girly girl and wanted to play queens and castles. I loved this idea and siezed the moment to declare "and I want to be Royal ANN". Both Twila and her sister ignored me and continued in their story about being stupid queen so and so and idiot queen such and such. I said it again "but I WANT TO BE ROYAL ANN" and waited. They still kept spinning their story and finally I pouted from the room...Twila came after me and said come back, what is it you wanted to be? Her SISTER however scoffed at me and said "Royall Ann...whoever HEARD of such a name?"

It wasn't until oh, about four years ago that I remembered this story. My brother and I were headed up to Idaho on a weekend runaway and there by the roadside was a fruitstand and what were they selling?

Royal Ann Cherries...I laughed so hard. I don't think I ever DID figure out as a child that my mom was talking about cherries!

So there it is. My Royal Ann Story. Hope it made you smile for just a moment?

Celery Feast...

2010-03-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

What I love about being an American Indian is the seasons that take me out of myself and give me a greater appreciation for oh, you know, anything not ME...

This last weekend was our Celery Feast - the celebration of new foods, the first in the year being the delicious Wild Celery...it tastes like the sun mixed with rain and the color green.

...I started this particular post last week. Celery Feast is a whole week ago and yet the gloriously tiring and exhilarating splendor of the weekend stays with me.

We women who gather the traditional foods gathered early Friday morning and had breakfast together before going out to a remote location where we dug the delicious "first food" wild celery, where we went was cold and windy but there was TONS of celery to be dug and it was an amazing day!

I feel bad that this particular post awaits posting...to finish it off I'll add some pictures from that amazing day...

Because the celery is one of our traditional foods we wear our wingdresses to dig it.

Lunch time is fun although it's usually pretty serious as well with teachings from some of the older women on our first foods.

These two women are our leaders...

after the digging the WORK begins

we all wear our best longhouse gear for this occasion!

i'm still HERRRREEE!!!

2010-03-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

Believe me, I've had many a fleeting thought this past week about this or that I'd like to blog about. It's been one of THOSE weeks which is fine because DANG it's already THURSDAY!

I don't have time right now, but will as soon as I can put a story down here:-)

In the meantime, I hope you're all having a good day today in the land of Blog!

brilliant colors on a promising springish day!

a doodle I doodled during a meeting

THANK YOU CHRISTIJOLU!!!!

2010-03-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

SIGHHHHHHH

I feel quite undeserving having not been here in awhile...but bless her heart, ChristiJolu (http://christiejolu.blogspot.com/) gave me an award!!!!

Thank you for the award my sweet Heath lovin, AIC listening, Celebrity Rehab watchin' friend!!!! You're the best!

My three blogs I love to go to?

Alice - http://thewondersofalice.blogspot.com/

Alice - http://alicethroughthelens.blogspot.com/

Dolce E Salata - http://dolceesalata.blogspot.com/

I have very many other blogs I love...Cut and Dry, Bicando, Confessions of an Ojibway just to name a few...

Again, thanks my sweet friend ChristiJolu for the award!!!!

Bouncy Bounce...

2010-02-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

I'll just go ahead and tell you the truth...in my 20's I was ever so emotionally unstable, I actually think a huge part of this came from being either pregnant and/or nursing a newborn...I have four children but during that period of time it seemed like I may have just as well had 13...during my 30's things took a turn for the worse, I fell into some deep dark pit of despair and through various methods of self-medication I somehow slogged my way through although from the outside looking in it seemed as though I were a happy well-adjusted female...I say that because once I was at the doctor's for some type of depression medication and as I glanced at the chart that's what I saw...I asked him "Dr. M, if you're giving me ____ medication for depression how is it that you wrote THAT on my chart?" He grabbed the chart and asked me "how can you read from across the room and upside down?" (LOL it's a SKILL I tell ya!) I asked him again and he said "Shawna it's not that your depression defines you, if you were YOURSELF you WOULD be happy and well adjusted..." OHHHHH...

During my 40's I was in the midst of a huge upheaval...my children were growing up and away, suddenly all of the trauma of my youth and childhood became painfully real. I don't know why, do you? Memories from when I was 5 years old could shred me for two or three hours...and so on and so forth...but in my LATE 40's I came home to my rez. Somehow with the advent of being home, diving in head first to politics and community a healing began...oh don't get me wrong, periodically those ugly past yukky's rear their growling heads and try to intimidate me but for the most part I find myself on some kind of amazing Bouncy Bounce...

Here's why:

This little guy was just BEGGING to have his picture taken...sittin' by the side of the road all winter he whispered to me "you have no IDEA what's been going on around here!" So I snapped his picture and he smiled...do you see it?

Oh how I love to hear the clouds sing as they dance through the day...I said this once before but I just have to say it again because LOOK AT THOSE CLOUDS!!!!

Sometimes all there is to get us through is humor...I doodled this during a conference on "How to Recognize Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse in the Workplace" in which the instructor said this phrase...it made me chuckle...

These steps are leading up to the old old hospital in our town...a new one has since been built but they use the old building for their administration part...can you imagine how many hopes walked up these steps and how many tragedies walked down them?

I took this shot Sunday but when I saw it in my phone yesterday it made me smile because I can't tell you how intensely HARD yesterday was...but today is a new day...it's even raining a little to wash away the meanness and darkness of yesterday and leave a fresh green smell in the air.

THANK YOU FOR NEW DAYS!!!!!!

Smiles on Monday...AND on Tuesday!

2010-02-23T14:36:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's only Monday, it's been THAT kind of day! So as an afterthought I said to myself "why don't we go check out the blog world?" and there it was...an AWARD!!! Thank you ChristieJolu of "Tales from My Head" http://christiejolu.blogspot.com/

Now I will share 7 things about myself"

1. I may sometimes pass myself off as assertive and confident but inwardly I'm shy and awkward...

2. I have a tendency to agree with someone I disagree with just to get out of the conversation - well, unless I'm very close with that person and then I may go through with my exact feelings...

3. Although I love dogs what I'd REALLY like to have at home are two horses, a goat and a pony...

4. When I was growing up I used to tell people I was from Mars, periodically, I'd go tearing out of the house shouting "OH NOOOOO I'm gonna miss the BUSSSS!!!"

5. I learned to read music before I could read words

6. I was born with perfect pitch - this is both a blessing and a not so much...I can tune a guitar spot on without even trying, but if I hear someone playing and their "d" string is off pitch it drives me CRAZY...

7. When things are difficult and look impossible I sometimes amuse myself by making up limericks reflecting the moment...usually including coarse and/or expletive language...then I laugh and feel better...sounds crazy I know but it keeps me smiling:-)

Some of my favorite blogs are:

"The Hatter's Clean Cup" http://hatterscleancup.blogspot.com/
"Professor B Worm" http://thefirstbookoftesticles.blogspot.com/
"The Caffeinated Globe" http://caffeinatedglobe.blogspot.com/
Dolce e Salata http://dolceesalata.blogspot.com/

I also love Alice Through the Lens; Alice in Wonderland, Random Rawr, ChristieJolu but I think they already got this award...

Happy Tuesday all!!!

days from hell will come and go

2010-02-18T15:07:00.000-08:00

I have to say I SOOO appreciate this world. Yesterday was a day from hell at work. It's been that way for quite some time but at the end of the day I had my mentoring session which was loads of energetic fun and then on my drive home I beheld the wondrous changing season and it made me smile...

days from hell will come and go but true strength CAN be found in nature!

the stalwart grainery near my rural post office...

this sturdy tree drinking in the cool yet powerful afternoon sun

it looks dour...prairie life is difficult for flora and fauna but if you look closely you'll see brave green shoots springing up from the hard cold ground...Spring is on its way!!!

If you listened closely, you could hear the clouds chuckling as they danced past the world

I never tire of the sunset through my trees...it sounds in the key of "C" tonight...

our grandpa dog "Sam" who literally despises cameras and swears like a trucker when he sees one pointed his direction...

ohhhh the weather outside is frightfulll!

2010-02-10T18:21:00.000-08:00

i'm from the pacific standard time zone and here i am in eastern standard time for a meeting...it's a good meeting and i'm glad to be here so here are some shots of my week so far...

Our starting flight was smooth and calm...a little bumpy on the landing but that's me and i'm a white knuckle flyer...since the flight to our destination city was cancelled we took a train from connecting there (to the right is a shot of the Union station in DC)

The meeting began and it was good to catch up with old friends...our meetings are quarterly and a LOT happens in between these!

it's COOLLLLLLDDDD outside!!!

a fire truck went by and I couldn't help taking a shot...

a delightful cast iron teapot...for my tea loving friends

songs that make you sing...

2010-02-09T18:43:00.000-08:00

long ago before there were such things as psychologists and psychiatrists...before the dawn of the behavioral health sciences and the telemedicine there lived an old woman...

she lead a simple life in the midst of her simple people...

when she dug her roots for winter food storage she hummed a tune. when she worked the beargrass with her strong hands, melodies flowed from her fingers...

this woman had a full life, she raised her children with discipline and tenderness, she loved her partner deeply and respected his strength in protecting them and guiding the people...

one day he rode into the camp with a deep and somber expression on his face. the people parted ways for him as he rode through to their home...he jumped off the horse and ran into their home...

he took her face in his hands and said "we have to be strong...our son fell while hunting today. his spirit soars now with the eagles"

this woman who had sewn the clothes for her son, who had sent this same son to the teachers for his instructions, she had watched her mate school him in the correct ways of hunting and in how to give thanks for the bounty of the earth...she stood still as she took in this news

she turned away and from deep within her began a song. she hummed quietly but did not sing yet for she had preparations to make. she took the whitest hides to sew the most beautiful outfit...and many more preparations she did while within her spirit a song burst through her being...

the people gathered to pay their respects; to speak their words about this son and this family and as each one spoke the song grew within this woman. she stepped into the circle and raised her hand. all went quiet and when she opened her mouth the song burst from her...

she sang of her pain in losing this son, she sang of her sorrow for those before her having lost theirs, she sang with deep longing for what is on the other side of this life, she sang with hopes that his journey would be a good one and she sang of tears that would flow upon his memory...the people listened and soon picked up her song...when she finished she put her hand down and paused beside her sons body...she didn't touch him or in any way try to keep him back, she whispered a silent farewell and walked away to her home.

as time passed they gathered often, these people...songs for all seasons grew from this woman's song...gathering songs, hunting songs, war songs, all of these wafted through the mountains and rivers from the people. the woman grew strong as she sang and she taught the younger women of this strength.

you can hear this same song from time to time...pause and listen when you do, it's one of those kind of songs that make you sing.

dedicated to my elders...the ones who sang before me

SERENDIPITY!!!

2010-02-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

Blaize of Random Rawr (http://randomrawr.blogspot.com/) has given me an award (thank you SO much) and I found out just by accident:-) I'm on travel at a meeting in the snowy part of the USA - another story entirely and you KNOW I'll post that but here's 10 things that make me happy!

1) spotting tiny flowers in the midst of rocky cliffs and/or hot stony sidewalks in the city

2) when I get to my daughter and son's home and their two babies come rushing to the door with happy chuckles and rosy warm cheeks

3) realizing that something I said made someone feel warm and fuzzy

4) listening to someone tell their story and see them light up from the inside out to share this little piece of their life

5) my one true love makes me happy

6) a phone call from one of ,my kids...not wanting something, just called to say hi

7) Weaving...

8) God...Creator...the one who knew us before we were even born

9) the pain and tiredness I get from working at the longhouse all day...it's indescribable but makes me feel SO happy

10) I have to agree with my friend who put this one down: When I find comments on my blogs from you...it always makes me warm to the core...THANK YOU

These are ten of some of the astounding bloggers I know that I’d love to give this award to:

ChristieJolu (http://christiejolu.blogspot.com/)
Betty of Cut and Dry (http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com/2010/02/this-is-how-i-heard.html)
Alice of Alice Through the Lens (http://alicethroughthelens.blogspot.com/2010/02/32.html)
Miss Pussycat of Heavens to Betsy (http://heavenstobetsyblog.blogspot.com/)
Grandma K from Musings from Grandma's Attic (http://mfga.blogspot.com/)
"Kindness" from Killing Them With Kindness (http://killthemwithkindness.blogspot.com/)
Steve of Confessions of an Ojibway (http://rightojibwe.blogspot.com/)
David of Pokagon Times (http://pokagon.blogspot.com/)
Anishinaabekwe (http://ojibwaymigisibineshii.blogspot.com/)
Bicando Bic of Bicando (http://bicando.blogspot.com/)

These are some of the best blogs ever, please go check them out!

I wonder what color wisdom is?

2010-02-05T10:59:00.000-08:00

I started this blog back in December but stumbled across the draft while cleaning out my folders...I believe it worthy of sharing - Have a good weekend, all!

...last night i had the honor of attending a service (of my tribe's type) at one of our tribal member's homes...i've talked about these before, we do them on many occasions - in this circumstance our sister is very ill (by the way, because we are all of the same blood we are called "brother" and "sister" no matter the relationship) and has been given one month to live.

the room was filled with powerful songs and as i sang i could see almost as though i were outside on a sunny day, i was up one of our rivers and it seemed as though i were flying...i swooped down near the river and listened to her watery song, then up into the tree branches and listened to breezy power...i looked down and saw tiny purple flowers peeping out from the banks along the river and flew down to smell them...

i don't know if i convey this as it happened but this all took place during ONE song...i leaned over towards our sister and i could feel her drinking in the Light and Power borne of our singing and i knew it was HER hopes i could see as i was singing...

when the song ended i sat down because i was really TIRED from all that experience and i wondered if anyone would EVER understand what had just happened...i felt the gentle hand of my older sister behind me on my back...she patted me gently and then left her hand there for awhile. i wonder if she knew.

our ways are ancient ways. our songs are given to us by the Light, the songs of Rivers and strength and Rocky Cliffs and Small Purple Flowers...

so there it is...i may travel the world, i may not...i may get to see the Atomium building in Brussels and again, maybe not but this i know: wisdom is Purple...

afternoon moon

2010-02-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

When I was young I used to hear my Aunty Una and Aunt Dorothy commenting during family gatherings how quickly time flies when you get older...at the time as I realize now, Aunt Dorothy was barely 40 and Aunty Una was probably 50 or so...I used to wonder about it while playing up in Aunty Una's attic...which on a side note, Aunty Una's attic looked much like some of those pictures you might see on my friend Betty's blog "Cut and Dry" all antiquey with lace hanging from edges and sun rays flowing through like liquid gold...I just loved my Aunty Una's attic...

Anyway, the realization that it's already February kind of came with a whooshing sound...January was a month of beginnings. I began working for a new group of officers after having horrifically lost in November elections. I began new relationships with people I'd most likely have never even spoken to much less laughed raucously with...in January.

February arrives and as I was cleaning the yard the other day I noticed brave new spikes emerging from the cold ground...ahhhh here come the irises, the daffodils, the heralds of Spring. I noticed fresh new growth peeking out from browned and dried "medicine" plants (medicine of the American Indian nature) and it mad me cheerfully sing with the dogs...who I might add were in a bit of trouble having spread garbage to and fro in frolicky puppy joy. As I glanced up at the cold blue February sky I noticed this...

afternoon MOON...

All is in balance and inside warms the tea!

imagine THAT

2010-01-29T14:19:00.000-08:00

While pondering the mysteries of the universe today my supervisor gave me the afternoon OFF...YIPPEEE! I'm off to go kiss ALL of my grandchildren and probably buy them silly things that don't mean a THING.

Have a good weekend all!

headed home...

2010-01-28T16:19:00.000-08:00

yes...two blogs entries in one day...not just two but FOUR actually considering the entries in my other blog...but here's the deal...it's closing time, I feel a warm sense of accomplishment that's rare and enjoyable...I hope you all had days like this today!!!!

sky woman awakens...

2010-01-28T12:34:00.000-08:00

On my way to work this morning I drove in a hurry...no matter how early I get up I STILL end up rushing out the door at the last minute hoping not to be NOTICEABLY late...

As I drove I was in awe of Sky Woman's shawl this morning, woven from the pink hints of sleepy dreams blending into cool blue hues of a good day's sky and fringed with the morning song heard echoing through the hollows.

She chuckled at me because she knew I was having a hard time waking up. Sky Woman stretched and yawned...in her yawn sparkles of ice fell to the ground frosting delicate wheat fronds left from past summer's heat.

Quietly humming the song I had heard I realized Sky Woman had awakened me with her song...I thanked her and looked around me, she had begun her dance of the day...

While we hurry about with our all important duties, Sky Woman dances with dignity across our hours...she sings for this dance, waving her graceful hands in rhythm and hope...

Sky Woman as you probably know holds the secrets we ponder...she chuckles kindly as she reaches into her silken bag and sprinkles answers for this day...
I hope I can catch some!!!!

colorful gifts...

2010-01-27T13:51:00.000-08:00

sometimes I am astonished by color...
do you look at your surroundings? Do you see the hint of green grass quietly hidden in the frozen ferns of last years' lush forest? Pause to notice the radiant hue of aquamarine pooling at that ONE spot on the river? I watched the Color Purple over the weekend while I was weaving this bag as a gift for my friend...

Although this work is sometimes tedious I am thankful for my friend's request...she chuckled to me in an aside one day..."oh you know how I love color...just put a lot of COLOR in it..." and THAT is how I remember to look around me and enjoy each hue of the day...

and just for extra measure, here's my brother working on a capote (Hudson Fur Trader Coat) for me...I can't wait to sport those colors at the longhouse!!!!

simple things...

2010-01-27T13:44:00.000-08:00

I do love the weekends...this one wasn't spectacular in any way...began with the usual frivolities for which I remain the driver:-) Saturday arrived with no hurrah, only a quiet mellow day with chores to do and a few groceries to pick up...in the afternoon I got restless and asked my brother if he'd like to go on a drive...

Off we went to Waiilitspuu (Walla Walla) for a quick drive and to use a Christmas gift at A____.
When we got there, the sunset was magnificent and I had my brother take a shot because sometimes when it's more important his pictures are just better than mine:-)

oh what an interesting day we had...full of chatting and solving the worlds's problems...retelling stories of warmth and history...

We talked about anything and everything...and nothing...

We appreciate the small things...and we give thanks for the simple things!!!!

When I got home I went to work on a project I've been needing to get done...accompanied by a hot cup of tea and a bowl of frozen blueberries...one of my favorite all time treats.

a simple day ended with light and color...

in case you didn't notice...

2010-01-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

I love both water and mornings...well, I also love purple and shiny sparkles...and lemons and berries...

Anyway, this was on my way to work today and it made me smile:-)

I have a story to share soon but for now, I hope you all are having a really really good and productive day!

"no one can make you feel bad without your permission" eleanor roosevelt

2010-01-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

The older I get the more I understand the wisdom of this wise woman's words. I'm somewhat annoyed that it took so long!

This has been a long weekend. I love long weekends not because they herald a few days of lazy times dozing by the fire, but they usually mean some wonderful adventure is about to unfold in my small universe. I anticipated the weekend last week with impatient angst. My job as you all may or may not know is not my favorite place to be but as Ms.Roosevelt says, it's my choice how to feel about THAT.

Friday came along and the usual friday ceremonies took place...jollifications downtown for my brother, a very very VERY short time at the casino for me:-) (fortunately I've learned the limitations of a dollar!)

Saturday was the birthday celebration for a tribal elder...we were invited and got dressed in our best for the occasion - for me this meant my favorite wingdress, otter wraps for my braids, favorite earrings and necklaces, oops, better mend my moccasins so the grandmas don't laugh at me! For my brother this meant having me iron that one ribbon shirt he really likes, otter wraps for HIS braids, etc...

We got to the "doings" and were met with many hugs and "happy new years" from friends and relatives. Loud bursts of laughter filled the air and the hum of conversation wafted warm like the fresh aroma of homemade rolls the lined the tables.

Oh so much beauty filled the room, the wisdom of a few tribal elders outshines brilliant sunsets and their stories are woven of the finest pieces of silvery lined clouds...

it was a beautiful day...

Sunday came along and we carefully dressed for longhouse. again in our best...

Monday, my "daughter" (adopted...she's lovely and tall and blonde with beautiful rich blue eyes) called and was worried about making the trip to PDX to bring grand-daughter N home from her visit. Of course this grandma and grandpa leapt at the chance to spend a few moments with N!
Rich kisses and deep belly laughs were had by all.

It was a wonderful joyous weekend!

JOY TO THE WORLD

2010-01-06T22:32:00.001-08:00

I had an astounding phone call today...
So amazing to hear the voice of my dear dear friend!
Like a hug from afar...

Thank you JOY!!!!

tender tendrils green shoots...

2010-01-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

the cold wind blows gently
stirring deep from the deep
quietly dreams awakened
songs ring from within sleep

rest well my sweet friend
gently i let you go
sweet waft in your wake
oh how you taught me to grow

and with hope i look
toward horizon's sun

twinkling sphere smiles warm

colorful spirit spun...

anew from tear soaked soul

springs stalwart coils of root

beatific rises fresh life
tender tendrils green shoots

thus speaks sky woman
listen closely, she is wise
embrace pain lost
and move forward open eyes...

making the best of things...

2010-01-05T16:39:00.000-08:00

Well. On the bright side, I figured out how to bluetooth important (music) files from my computer to my new cell phone. Also on the bright side, I am alive, still lovin' the color purple AND the beautiful flow of watery Aunties around me...

I have four beautiful grand-daughters, offspring of three of my amazing children, I have one gifted son who although he hasn't gotten around to the children yet never fails to make me smile when I talk to him on the phone...

Life is good.

I thought about these things over the weekend, having spent a great deal of time with one of my darlings and hearing nothing but wailing and gnashing of teeth regarding financial woes...I realized that perhaps in my youth, when these beautiful babies were babies, I worked too hard at making the best of things, because apparently they don't seem to know we were dirt poor at the time...

My family spent the better part of 1981 eating macaroni...macaroni salad (a dab of mayonnaise and a LOT of wild greens from bountiful Montana meadows), macaroni and ham (diced to the TINIEST portions imaginable two slices given to me by loving friends), plain macaroni, macaroni and milk (pretend mac and cheese)...you get the drift? We lived in my brother-in-law's tool shed which happily was near the creek...where winter AND summer, in Northern Montana, I bathed...

My husband couldn't find work so we happened upon the great "post logging" system, I didn't know it but I was pregnant with our first child. My husband would stay "up top" cutting down post sized trees and I would lash four or five of them together and drag them down the hillside to our pickup where I would also load them one at a time on the truck...we would take our "big truckfull" to the post mill for what? Maybe about $20 if we had a good haul. I didn't care, that was laundry, a hot bath, some butter or milk (for the macaroni).

As we grew and had more children, things didn't seem to change, my beautiful artistic and loving husband was a dreamer...this being so, we hardly ever had a steady income...as a child I had determined that should I ever be in a position to make such decisions, I would not force my children to wear "sturdy" or "functional" clothes...if they so desired and when appropriate I would provide them to the best of my ability with the latest and greatest fashions of the day...

Long story short, and fast forward to over the weekend, I found myself not being too sympathetic to said weepings, wailings and gnashing of teeth...I realized that all of those "hardships" had made me strong and had served to teach me creativity...sewing hoods from freebag sweatshirts onto flannel shirts picked up at GW...sewing bows from old dresses on to stockings to be hung for Christmas; wake up one morning and hate my clothes? One day I made a delightful floral skirt from what I think was an old quilt back I found upstairs...no one knew, in fact I have a picture of that skirt and I STILL love it:-)

I think a little hardship is good for today's youth and although I worked hard at making the best of things I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world.

Making the best of things is character building:-)

clean slate

2010-01-04T12:34:00.000-08:00

I love the dawn of a new year...just like each new day, all that was is gone and we forge bravely into the NEW...new year, new day, new outlook, new attitude! YES. I'm not one for new years resolutions. I think they are our very best set up for failure so I won't go THERE...

Here's some words, not written by me, but good words to work towards:

• If you can live without caffeine or nicotine (I crave both on a daily basis but only smoke when I gamble)
• If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains (I try, really, I do, but DANG I'm friends with those pain pills!!!!)
• If you can resist complaining (okay, this is a tough one)
• If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time (conversely...?)
• If you can take criticism and blame without resentment (this is my YEAR for learning this with grace)
• If you can ignore friends' limited educations and never correct them (oh wow...didn't see THAT one coming; you mean like don't JUDGE???? you know, don't judge and then act like you're not judging but TRULY, don't judge? It's on!!!)
• If you can treat the rich and poor alike (not a problem)
• If you can face the world without lies or deceit (please help me someone...)
• If you can conquer tension without medical help (please see the aches and pains bullet)
• If you can have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender, sexual preference, or politics (whatever, I'm going back to bed!!!! 'member? new day tomorrow???)

— then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog.

Happy New Years my friends!!!!!

Note: Sorry to have been away but my access is limited although NOW I have a new gadget phone and can check more frequently! YAY!!!

Christmas Greetings One and All

2009-12-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, I'm well aware we all have our different views on this holiday...I just want to say I absolutely LOVE the fun lights put up...it's my favorite time of year...

I wish you all the warmest of Christmas Greetings and I hope your New Year finds at least SOME of your dreams realized and accomplished...I wish you health and joy and abundance of love

Sharing a story from the "Songs to the Creator"

2009-12-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

I love to weave...it's something I do day in and day out. When I'm not actually weaving, I'm dreaming of this design or that design, as we drive down the freeway to go visit the grandkids and if I see a little fern growing out from the basalt walls of the gorge I think "that would be a really nice weaving design" and often I will just go and do it. My brothers taught me weaving and the use of colors to express so to them I give that...

Here is a story from a book I love called "a Song to the Creator"

One time in the animal world there lived a young woman at White Salmon River. She was S'inmi (Grey Squirrel) and she carried frood in a pouch inside her mouth. White Salmon is where some people live and they are called /Lataxat (Klickitat). But animal people lived there before the People came.
A long time ago everyything was human. All the animals, plants and creatures were like people are today. They were able to talk adn walk like we do. This young woman lived at White Salmon River. She was slow and her fingers were clumsy so she was avoided by other people. The girl lived all by herself near a huge tree. Underneath this Cedar tree she would sit and dream in the shade because she did not have anything else to do.
This tree would watch the girl and he worried about her. He was sorry for her because nobody wanted to help her.
"That poor girl, she doesn't know the things a girl should know." One day he talked to the girl "my little sister, I cannot allow you to grow up like this not knowing anything, you must learn to do something to help yourself. I will teach you. You go to the mountains and find this kind of grass it is called bear grass. That grass is used for decoration for what I want to teach you. Pick this out by the roots and dry it in the sun, bundle it up neatly then you can pick berries and plants for coloring. After you've done this, come back and pick some of my tenderest roots.Some day you will be famous for your work.
This young woman prepared for the journey. She packed her root digger, flint knife and everything else she needed then she walked to the mountains. When she reached that place she found the plants were all there as the Cedar had told her. She gathered all of the things as he had instructed.
She brought her neatly bundled bear grass, roots and berries to Cedar and he was pleased that she had done as he instructed. He then told her to dig his most tender roots and dry them so she also dug these things.
When she was done she laid out a blanket and spread out all those things she had gathered for her project. She showed it to Cedar Tree and he was very pleased. He then showed her how to use these to weave a basket. The girl wove her first basket. She worked all day and into the night until she finished it and she was very proud of having done this. She showed it to Cedar and although he was proud of her he told her "don't get too conceited, you still have to pass a test, you must take this basket and dip it into the water. If the water does not drip out of it, then you have accomplished your goal.
The girl took the basket and she carried it down to the lake and she dipped out some water. The water ran right througth the basket. She went home dragging her feet.
She told Cedar Tree what had happened then she sat down and cried. Cedar Tree scolded her, "don't feel sorry for yourself you are just beginning to to accomplish something. Soon you will be very talented, you have to practice and practice until you are perfect. Now go out in the woods and find some designs; seek out the things of nature and bring them back pictured in your mind. that is when you will be able to make beautiful things.
When he encouraged her like this she could not resist becoming more determined to succeed "He has so much confidence in me, perhaps I will someday make beautiful baskets."
She walked for many days looking at everything. She became confused because she didn't know what she was seeking. She walked down the trail one day when a rattlesnake crossed her path. He spoke to her, "see the designs on my back? Use them to design the edging in your baskets" She was grateful to the rattlesnake but thought that was too intricate.
She continued on her journey and saw many more animals and was spoken to about various designs and on the day she decided to return home she was thirsty and knelt down by the brook to drink. He spoke to her, "look at me, see the reflections and the designs with the waves of the water, you can use these for your designs"
She went home and began weaving a new basket. She was so busy she forgot the time and she wove all of the designs she had seen in the forest. She completed one beautiful basket. She showed this to Cedar Tree and he told her again she had to pass the test. She took the basket to the Columbia River and dipped it in. No water came out! Cedar Tree told her to take her first basket and give it as an offering, this will teach you to be thankful (Note: we are taught this by those teaching us our crafts, that we give the first one we made to an elder).
Coyote was down by the river and heard from Blue Jay what had been happening. He looked at her baskets and was very impressed. He spoke about the coming of the People (Klickitats) and that from this day forward they would be known for their beautiful baskets. To this day, these people are well known for their baskets.

That's just one story I know about weaving. I hope you enjoyed.